The Midshipmen march on at the Army-Navy Game
We begin this week with another head shaking “Only is Massachusetts” debacle.
But in a twist, this time it doesn’t involve the shutting down of the T, or one of Boston’s major tunnels, or even a fight in the Boston City Council, but of all things, the Army-Navy Football Game which is a big get for the Commonwealth, and for Bob Kraft and Gillette Stadium.
In every other city where it’s been held, it’s a huge celebratory event, often attended by US Presidents as well as thousands upon thousands of veterans, as well as the full corps of Cadets and the Naval Midshipmen.
But when a travel agent from New Jersey began fielding questions from ticket holders that their hotel rooms around the stadium were being canceled for the long term stay for migrants as per Massachusetts “Right to Shelter Law,” it left the veterans scrambling for other locations, at no doubt with a much higher price tag.
This weekend, let’s see which teams perform so poorly it belongs in the dog house, and which puts on a luxury 5-star penthouse performance.
No. 8 Oregon at No. 7 Washington (Ch.5, 3:30 p.m.) The Himalayan-sized stakes for the 115th edition of the “Border War” is dripping with playoff implications, and for the first time in its history, the Ducks and the Huskies will be facing off as gridiron foes with both holding top 10 rankings.
It is also underscored by a pair of dynamic Heisman contending QB’s, who direct the nation’s first and fourth highest scoring elevens, in a game that might be as explosive as the earth creating collision of the Teutonic Plates.
O.J. Simpson 64-yard scintillating TD run against UCLA
It is also arguably, the most anticipated Pac 12 game since the legendary 1967 “Summer of Love” clash between No. 1 UCLA, and No. 4 USC, won by Trojans 21-20 on the legs of O.J. Simpson’s scintillating and spell binding 64-yard winning touchdown gallop, a victory that put Southern Cal on its path to winning the national championship.
[Note: YouTube the video of O.J.’s run, it’s an awe inspiring poetic jaunt.]
But there is a cloud of cruel irony lingering over the magnitude of this game.
With apologies to R.E.M, “It’s the end of the league as we know it,” as next year most of its members will have a new address, playing in either the Big Ten, or the Big 12, and thus the Pac-12, “as we knew it,” will have disappeared faster than the Statue of Liberty at a David Copperfield magic show.
Oregon Heisman contending QB fires toward his target
In Eugene, the offense of the “Sons of Norm Van Brocklin,” are directed by its leather-tough gun slinging dart-thrower, QB Bo (15 TDs-1 Int – 80%) Nix, the nation’s fifth most efficient passer, who hits his target with efficiency of Russell Crowe in the movie “The Quick and the Dead.”
The Quack attack marksman, the director of the nation’s second (51 pts) highest scoring band in the land, is assisted by an Allstate trio of good hands receivers; Troy Franklin, Gary Bryant, and Tez Johnson, while the nation’s sixth best road running assault motors on the legs of tailbacks Bucky Irving, and Jordan James.
On D, the “Sons of Haloti Ngata,” the nation’s eighth (11 pts) stingiest, and seventh rated overall, is anchored by a threesome of backers: Tysheem Johnson, Jeffrey Bassa, and Bryce Boettcher,” and has been harder to penetrate than the inner circle of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi, who with apologies to “Hogan’s Heroes,” is like Sargent Shultz, “I know nothing!’ in regards to the horrific terrorist attack by Hamas against Israel.
Washington’s Heisman contending QB Michael Penix fires at his target
In the “Emerald City,” the Seattle footballers, a.k.a. the Washington Huskies, are directed by its own wizard, its Heisman contending QB Michael (16 TDs-2 Ints 74%) Penix Jr. who as the maestro of the nation’s most prolific offense, and fourth (46 pts) highest scoring eleven creates a Beethoven worthy score every Saturday.
But that offense of the “Sons of Hugh McElhenny” has, with apologies to Robert Louis Stevenson, a Jekyll and Hyde personality.
The Huskies do most of its damage behind an aerial assault that is worthy of the Fourth of July fireworks over New York City harbor, led by a trio of game changing receivers; Rome Oduaze, Jose Cuevas, Ja’Lynn Polk, that some consider to be the best in the nation, sorry Ohio State.
But the “Hyde” side of the offense, namely its earth movers, led by tailback Dillon Johnson, who is dangerous catching out of the backfield, and his partner Will Nixon, sits a near bottom feeding 102nd overall, and yet despite that imbalance, has not damaged the Husky cause.
On D, the “Sons of Lawyer Milloy,” featuring safety Asa Turner, backer Tuli Letuligasenoa, backer Edetuan Ulofoshio, surrender less than 20-points a game, but are susceptible to an aerial attack which is generally a “dead man’s” Jesse James type of hand against the Ducks.
In a game in which the scoreboard operator may need AI Assistance, or an M.I.T. math wizard, we think Bo Nix works his wizardry, as the Ducks fly out of the Emerald City one step closer on the yellow brick road to a playoff invite.
No. 10 USC at No. 21 Notre Dame (Ch. 4, 7:30 p.m.) In 1926 “Silent Cal,” a.k.a. Calvin Coolidge, the former Governor of Massachusetts, was occupying the White House Oval, when the Irish of Notre Dame, and the Trojans of USC, first hooked up in what has become one of the glamour rivalries of the college football world, with the “Sons of Rockne,” leading the series: 50-37-5.
Marion Morrison the future John Wayne in his ’26 USC uniform
One of the member on that ’26 USC squad was a lineman by the name of Marion Morrison, who went on to Hollywood fame and fortune better known to the world by his the stage name of; John Wayne. WOW!
[Note: I have the 1974 program of one of the most famous games of the series hanging on my wall.
Known simply as “The Comeback Game” the Irish had stunningly jumped out to a 24-0 lead and it looked like a “bad day at black rock” for the Men of Troy.
But just before the half ended its starry tailback Anthony Davis scored a touchdown to make it 24-7. Ho hum.
But when Davis, who scored 4 TDs in the game, ran the opening second half kickoff back for a 102-yard touchdown, cutting the deficit to 10, and what would become one of the great comebacks in college football history was underway.
The Trojans scored 55-unanswered points stunning the Irish like the uppercut by George Foreman lifting Joe Frazier off his feet at Madison Square Garden to win the Heavyweight Title in 1973.
A writer for Sports Illustrated quipped, “It was the worst disaster for the Irish since the potato famine.” And it was also the last regular season game for ND’s iconic coach Ara Parseghian. Amazing!]
USC’s Heisman winner is trying to become only the second person to win a second Heisman Trophy the other is Ohio State’s Archie Griffin
On offense, these “Sons of Pat Haden,” are commanded by its unflappable Hollywood leading man, Heisman Trophy winner, QB Caleb (22 Tds-1 Int 71%) Williams, who in addition to leading the nation in touchdown passes, directs the nation’s top (51 pts.) scoring eleven with the same effortless ease as the pilots of the Blue Angels performing their four plane barrel roll formation.
The Trojan sniper luxuriates by targeting by a trio of defense stressing receivers; Tahj Washington, Brenden Rice, and Mario Williams, while its pedestrian ground attack, led by MarShawn Lloyd, and Austin Jones will not be candidates for admission into the hallowed halls of “Trojan Tailback U.”
But as the USC faithful are well aware, and with apologies to Will Rogers, its coach Lincoln Riley never met a defense he ever liked.
As once again the footballers of the City of Angels are stumbling along with a D, that has more holes than a Donald Trump tax return, led by end Jamil Muhammad, and backer Solomon Byrd, who are better suited to be Ole’ Masters at the bull ring of Plaza de Toros de Sevilla.
The Trojan D, like the Red Sox, sits near the bottom in total D, rushing, and passing defense, and with a hat tip to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, will ultimately be the albatross that ends USC’s title crusade.
In South Bend, the carpenters have been furloughed, as the once bulging Irish band wagon is up on EBay as these “Touchdown Jesus” footballers, have lost two of its last three, unofficially dashing its hopes for a playoff invite before Halloween.
And with apologies to Warren Zevon, from his classic “Keep me in Your Heart,” Notre Dame’s wheels “keep turnin’ but they’re running out of steam,” and another loss likely snuffs its chances for any major bowl invite.
In its first four games, the offense of the “Sons of Jerome Bettis” was smoking averaging over 40-points a contest, but its last three games it has been drier than the Great Salt Lake, as ND has taken a page out of the New England Patriot’s handbook, scratching out a miniscule total of 55-points, and seemingly taken up residency on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Irish QB Sam Hartman fires toward his target
QB Sam (16 TDs-3 Ints 64%) Hartman, the commander of the Domers, who lately has been running for his life as the offensive line, which will never be mistaken for the “Seven Blocks of Granite,” has been overrun by the opposition’s pass rush.
And when ND’s field general is able to find any breathing room, he targets a quartet of chain movers Chris Tyree, Tobias Merriweather, Jayden Thomas, and tight end Mitchell Evans. And if its Paper Mache o-line is able to create an opening, tailback Audric Estime is a potential game breaker.
On D, the “Sons of Nick Buoniconti,” the nation’s fifteenth (15 pts) stingiest, is anchored led by nose tackle Howard Cross, and backers JD Bertrand, and Jack Kiser, and with a hat tip to Jesse Jackson, will be responsible for ‘keeping hope alive,” if a season turnaround is to begin in South Bend on Saturday night.
That said, with apologies to Homer, we don’t think that there will be a Trojan horse pushed and dragged into Notre Dame Stadium, as USC “Fights on!” and leaves South Bend with its playoff hopes very much alive.
No. 25 Miami at No. 12 UNC (Ch.5, 7:30 p.m.) This is the imponderable: Is it possible for the Miami footballers to bounce back from one of the greatest coaching blunders in the history of the sport?
Miami Hurricanes coach Mario Cristobal made the classic of classic blunders last Saturday costing the Canes its perfect season
In case anyone missed it; at the end of last Saturday night’s game, all the “Sons of Jimmy Johnson” had to do to win its game against Georgia Tech in which it was leading 20-17 with 35-seconds left on the clock, was to take a knee and preserve its undefeated season.
But with apologies, to Orson Welles, “Only the Shadow Knows,” as to why Miami, and head coach Mario Cristobal decided to run the ball.
And needless to say the Canes fumbled it back to the Yellow Jackets with 26-seconds remaining.
In another Miami miracle, remember Flutie’s Hail Mary to Gerald Phelan in 1984 to beat the Canes? Well with 16 second ticks left on the clock, and no timeouts, Tech’s QB Haynes King lofted a 44-yard beauty to receiver Christian Leary for the stunning and potentially soul crushing touchdown. UNBELIEVABLE!
Rumor is the next day Miami’s head man paid a visit to the Miami’s Miller School of Medicine for a quick anatomy class focusing on the Knee!
The U’s QB with the Dutch Master name Tyler Van Dyke fires at his target
That said, on offense the “Sons of Jim Kelly,” are directed by the QB with the Dutch Master name of Tyler (12 TDs 4 Ints) Van Dyke, who directs the nation’s seventh ranked offense, with assists from a high-cotton pair of road runners; Henry Parish, and Donald Chaney, while targeting a trio of chain movers: Xavier Restrepo, Colbie Young, and Jacoby George, for the thirteenth (39 pts) highest scoring squad in the land.
On D, the “Sons of Ted Hendricks” led by its tackling machine linebacker Francisco Mauigoa, corner Jaden Davis, and safety James Williams, leads the nation in stoning runners by surrendering a miserly 58-yards a game, and overall have been harder to penetrate than the security around the Mona Lisa, allowing 14-points-a-game.
In Chapel Hill, with a hat-tip to Oscar Hammerstein II, and Paul Robeson, the Ol’ Man River of college football, (Nick Saban will be 72 on Halloween) 72-year-old Mack Brown has seemingly found the “Fountain of Youth” in Kenan Stadium, as the wizened head man has his Tar Heels sitting a perfect 5-0 for the first time since start of Bill Clinton’s second term 1997, which coincidently, was Mack’s last year before leaving to take over as the head coach of the Texas Longhorns.
UNC’s starry QB Drake Maye fires deep
On offense, the “Sons of Scott Stankavage,” are directed by its aerial artist, QB Drake (8 TDs-4 INts-72%) Maye, who is fourth in the nation in passing yards, as the Tar Heels sit 18th in scoring averaging 36-points-a-game.
The UNC sharp shooter is assisted by a pair of field stretching receivers, Kobe Paysur, and Nate McCollum, while its principle earth movers Omarion Hampton, and British Brooks, will not cause any sleepless nights for opposing D-coordinators.
In his second season, d-coordinator Gene Chizik has made last season’s sieve like matador defense, a distant memory, as its All-America tackling machine backer Cedric Gray, and his partners Power Echols, and Kaimon Rucker, have tightened like the budgets of the entire Archdiocese of Boston.
We don’t think that a one week remedial course on human anatomy is enough to salve the wounds and psyche of the Canes, as the “Old Man” of Chapel Hill moves to a perfect 6-0.
Last week: 1-2 Season record: 10-8
That’s it from cyber space. We’ll be up and running with week 8 on Wednesday night. Until then, Peace, and listen to the music. PK
Saturday Football 