50th Anniversary of Neil Cusack’s historic Boston Marathon victory as the first, and only, native son of Ireland to capture the laurel wreath

By Paul Kenney

Ireland’s Neil Cusack crosses the finish line to win the 1974 Boston Marathon as the first, and only native son of the Emerald Isle to capture the coveted laurel wreath

On April 15, 1974, at the Gary Cooper hour of high noon, Neil Cusack, a 22-year-old native son of Limerick City, Ireland was about to embark on a life altering journey worthy of an episode by Rod Serling.

The odyssey for this 5-foot-8, 138-pound goatee sporting East Tennessee State University senior began in the tiny town of Hopkinton where he stood toeing the line eagerly awaiting the crack of the starter’s pistol signaling the commencement of the 78th running of the Boston Marathon that would send the record field of 1705 men, and 36 women on their winding and undulating road toward Boston.

His life-changing sojourn would conclude some two-hours and 13 minutes later, as Cusack became the first, and only, runner from the Emerald Isle to capture the most coveted title of the sport: “Boston Marathon Champion.”

And yet, despite his impeccable Roger Miller “king of the road” credentials; namely as the starring All-American anchor of the ETSU’s “Irish Brigade,” a powerhouse cross country team consisting of six high-cotton sons of Ireland, a 1972 member of his nation’s 10,000 meters Olympic team, and both the NCAA, and United States Cross Country champion of that same year, Cusack attracted about as much pre-race attention as the quixotic presidential campaign by Bobby Kennedy Jr.

The reason for that misplaced anonymity fell at the feet of the media whose laser focus was on the race’s two overwhelming favorites; New Jersey’s Tom Fleming, last year’s second place finisher, and Canada’s Jerome Drayton, who would go on to win the 1977 edition of the race.

There are also some imponderables revolving around the performance of Cusack and that of his fellow ETSU teammates that need to be explored and explained.

How was it that a Southern Appalachian campus tucked into the hills of Eastern Tennessee developed into a national track and field powerhouse?

The genesis of that long run of excellence evolved from a chance encounter in the late sixties between ETSU’s Hall of Fame Coach Dave Walker, who during his 50-year career produced 30 All-Americans, while winning 28 Coach-of-the-Year awards, and a former Irish Olympic high jumper by the name of Brendan O’Reilly, an alum of the University of Michigan.

O’Reilly tipped off the Buccaneers coach, about a gifted Irish distance runner by the name Michael Heery whom he thought would thrive under the guidance of Walker.

And when the kid signed on, the word spread amongst the plethora of talented Irish runners that ETSU was the place to nurture and build a career, and Walker reaped the benefits of that seemingly endless flow of Eire talent.

Cusack and his ETSU legendary “Irish Brigade” teammates

In fact, during one glorious stretch between 1970 and 1983 Walker’s teams earned invites to 14-consecutive National Cross Country championships, with the highlight being his 1972 “Irish Brigade” squad which finished its season as the second ranked team in the nation.

Cusack spoke about the special qualities of his beloved coach whom he described as a “teddy bear.”

ETSU’s Hall of Fame coach Dave Walker whose Irish pipeline of runners made the Southern Appalachian school into a national power

“In addition to being a brilliant tactician, Coach Walker possessed the unique ability to unify a team by bringing out the best in each member, while at the same time forming friendships that continued long after we graduated.”

“His other strength was his ability to listen to any of our training concerns and then incorporate them into our practice regime. We did train hard, and the results on race day speak for themselves as he coached 30-All-Americans. He was quite a man,” said Cusack.

The other drawing card, but one that was not nearly as paramount, was the topography of Johnson City home of the ETSU campus as its hilly, green, damp, and rural location, encircled by neighboring families of Scottish and Irish descent created a familial feeling of home for its athletes from the Emerald Isle.

Satiated by all of his cross country success, Cusack decided to set his compass north for a crack at the Boston Marathon as he continually cranked out in 100-mile training weeks which included large doses of that daily hard charging hill work.

“I often put in more mileage running the roads than I did driving some of my cars,” said the man from Limerick.

And during the course of those runs he and his teammates had to be wary of the hillbillies shooting at beer cans, but when he stood on that Hopkinton starting line he was fully ready for what he hoped would be a smashing performance.

On the Sunday afternoon upon his arrival in Boston, Cusack got his first glimpse of the historic course driving the 26-miles and making a mental picture of its quirky contours, and the best angles to attack the fabled landscape.

“I thought it was a nice course,” said the man who in less than 24-hours later would be hailed as its conquering champion.

But as brilliant as Cusack was on race day, he made another stellar move the night before.Staying at a friend’s apartment, he decided to add a measure of cultural identity, and Irish pride to his running outfit, cutting off a shamrock crest from one of his dress shirts and sowing it onto his fishnet running vest.

Little did he realize that such a simple gesture, would send the frothing Boston crowds, who grew bigger, rowdier, and more explosively supportive once the word filtered that a native son of Ireland was not only leading, but was going to be adorned with the champion’s laurel wreath.

Cusack ran unchallenged after taking the lead at the 6-mile mark in Framingham

As the race began, and energized by the perfect 55-degree weather, Cusack implemented his planned yet bold move by spurting into the lead at the six-mile mark in Framingham, and it was one he stunningly never relinquished.

“My plan was to move to the front at the six-mile mark, and once I knew I was gone from the field, I didn’t feel a challenge” said the champion.

He held a 60-second lead over Fleming at the halfway mark in Wellesley, and as a homage to his historic win, Wellesley is the name of his Limerick home and stenciled on his mailbox, as he maintained a flowing stress free and steady pace toward the testy hills of Newton.

For many a runner, particularly one making his maiden Boston voyage, that trio of climbs, especially the notorious Heartbreak, has dashed the championship dreams of countless pretenders to the Boston crown.

But Cusack, again emboldened by his Tennessee hill workouts, said that he attacked those Newton “obstacles” by simply shortening his stride as he glided over the threesome with a steely focus accentuated by an effortless and powerful cadence.

“I didn’t think they were difficult at all,” said the champion from Limerick.
Once Heartbreak Hill was safely in his rearview, he was like a metronome methodically maintaining what had been reduced to a 46-second lead over Fleming, and in full control as he comfortably cruised into a jam-packed finish line protected by two Boston cops on horseback, one on each side, and clocking the then Irish Marathon record time of 2:13:39.

It was at the time, the third fastest in BAA history, finishing ahead of a distraught Fleming, who once again finished in second-place, and two-minutes ahead of the third-place Drayton.

The victory also qualified him for the European Championships.

When Cusack broke the tape as the winner of the 78th Boston Marathon, he told the media, “I started the race as an unknown, and crossed the finish line into immediate international recognition. I didn’t realize how big this event was until I crossed the line. It was bedlam.”

Later that evening his victory was noted by Walter Cronkite on his CBS News national broadcast, and it was also reported that the next day’s headline in New York Daily News rang out with: “Irishman wins Boston, trains on beer.”

And in those pre-cell phone days of fifty-years ago, the phone books of the City of Boston were bursting with Irish surnames, and the historic and revolutionary city was so peacock proud that a native son of Ireland had won its iconic race, they began to stuff $10 and $20 bills into his bag saying simply; “Have a beer on me.”

And it didn’t stop there.

“For the next three weeks after I returned to campus, I continued to receive envelopes in the mail stuffed with the same $10 and $20 bills, all tagged with the same message; Have a beer on me.” Amazing,” said the newly crowned Boston Champion.

“The next morning on my flight to Washington D.C. where I had to fly to connect to another flight to Johnson City, Tennessee, the pilot made the following announcement: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have flying with us this morning the winner of the Boston Marathon, and we’d like to invite him up to first class.’

“Now picture this, here I am carrying the trophy wrapped in newspaper as the passengers applauded as I made my way up the aisle,” he said with a laugh.

When Cusack landed in the airport in Tennessee, he was hailed as if he was Caesar crossing the Rubicon, as he was met by the college president, saluted with a fire brigade, and given a chauffeur driven limo ride back to the campus.

But of all his countless accolades, awards, and victories, including his the 10-NCAA titles, and wins at both the Boston and Dublin marathons, two Olympiads, and the dedication of “The Neil Cusack Olympic Trail” located along the banks of the Shannon River, the retired 72-year-old father of two sons, who now just walks his dogs, made his best race related move five-years after his historic Boston win.

“I removed the diamond from my BAA champion’s medal, and had a jeweler place it into the wedding ring of my beloved bride Imelda. “

It proved to be an ingenious decision as they will be celebrating their 45th wedding anniversary this year, along with the added caveat of both returning to Boston as guests of the BAA in celebration of his historic victory fifty years on.

The former Boston Champion is still on the roads only at this stage of his life does it walking his dogs

The Irishman jokingly added, “I will be carrying a bag hoping it will once again get stuffed with cash.”

And when asked what comes to mind when he reflects on that amazing April day a half-of-century later he said, “I remember my win like it was yesterday. I was cheered everywhere. I was the toast of Boston. What a day.”
Indeed, Erin go bragh.
End.

Army-Navy The Old Man and Me – The 124 edition of the Army-Navy Classic at Gillette Stadium

The Showman Douglas MacArthur saunters ashore

“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”

Douglas MacArthur

“Untutored courage is useless in the face of educated bullets.”

George Patton

“Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those from those who hunger and are not fed, and those who are cold and not clothed.”

Dwight Eisenhower

General Dwight Eisenhower addresses the troops before the D-Day landing

We close the 2023 college football season with our annual “Army-Navy the Old Man and Me,” the joyous tale of taking my dad to the 1998 Army-Navy football game.

It is our version of; “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.”

On Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day, December 7, 1963, at the age of eleven, some two weeks after the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, I watched my first college football game.

It was Army versus Navy, and it featured the Midshipmen’s Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Roger Staubauch.  And as an aside, Jacqueline Kennedy, the President’s widow insisted that the game be played.

I watched the classic with my dad sharing the ends of a couch in the living room on the top floor of our Dorchester “Wattendorf” owned three-decker which was only a slap-shot away from Murphy’s Funeral Home located on Dorchester Ave.

Murphy’s Funeral Home located a slapshot from my three-decker on Romsey Street

[In those days Dorchester directions were always given in relation the local “landmarks:” such as barrooms, parish churches, funeral parlors, elementary schools, gas stations, five and dimes, playgrounds, beaches, corner stores, bakeries, delis, drugstores, packies, sub shops, pizza joints, doughnut shops, and bowling alleys, but seldom, if ever, by using actual street names.]

We watched on a black and white Philco television accompanied by the mandatory “rabbit ears,” and even though the “old man” was WWII Army, I was rooting for Navy.

Army on the Navy 1-yard line as time expired

The game ended on a controversial time expiring no-call with the Cadets of West Point perched on the Navy 1-yard line as the Sons of Joe Bellino (the 1960 Heisman winner from Winchester) escaped with a 21-15 victory which secured its invitation to the Cotton Bowl in Dallas.

It fostered a lifelong love affair with the game of college football, one in which I remain intimately involved by writing a seasonal online national football column, presently for the Eagle Tribune, as well as serving as a voter in the annual selection of the winner of the Heisman Trophy for the last 17-years.

But now, sixty-years later, this annual extravaganza between some of the best and the brightest of America, in what I feel is the last true amateur sporting event left in America, carries a much more deeper personal meaning.

My Dad, Ed, passed 22-years ago, and four years before his demise, in the spring of 1998, he experienced what was described as a “mini-stroke.”

Fortunately he recovered without any serious complications, but it made me realize that this 75-year-old former soldier wouldn’t be around forever, and that epiphany inspired me to put the following plan into action.

I would surprise my “old man” by taking him to witness the classic firsthand, a “full-circle” father-son football and life journey.

It would be a one-day whirlwind excursion.

The airline reservations were a snap, remember this was pre 9/11, but now I needed some tickets, and not just any seats, but something decent, especially for a guy in his mid-seventies.

Boston Globe’s legendary retired photographer Bill Brett

I called by pal Bill Brett the retired prize-winning photographer from the Boston Globe, who continues to snap away producing his well-received coffee table books, but more importantly, he is as good of a person as one will ever meet.

I asked Billy if he would ask the late Globe sports columnist Will McDonough, to ask his son Sean, who at the time was working for CBS Sports, and calling the game, for assistance in securing a pair of good seats.

Sean McDonough one of the very best in the business – played a key role in helping me secure the greats seats for me and my dad

In typical Dorchester-Southie fashion they all came through.

I picked up the tickets at the stadium’s “Will Call” window which were in large manila envelope marked; “CBS Sports.”

The kid working the window glanced at the CBS logo and duly impressed looked up and proclaimed; “You must be important!”

Little did he know!  Nostradamus, he was not!

We ventured to our seats, lower level at Philadelphia’s old Vet Stadium, eight rows up from the rail on the 45-yard line.

Absolutely perfect!

Here we are sitting around various Naval Brass, and after looking around for a few minutes in silence, the “old man” a former Army corporal, who walked in and out of France and Germany looks at me and says; “Are you sure we are in the right seats?”

Translation: How could a nitwit like you, pull off seats like these?!

Even though it was the fifth of December, the weather was a balmy 60-degrees and we were treated to a great game, watching, what at the time was the highest (since surpassed) scoring game in the series a 34-30 Army victory, and the result was a metaphorical thumbs up for the “Old Man.”

Sitting on the plane and just before we were about to take off, the “old man,” leaned in and said, “In case I forget, I want to thank you.”

For a WWII father that simple statement was like, “War and Peace.”

My dad passed three-years later, but with a hat-tip to Bogart and Bergman in the airport scene in the movie classic “Casablanca,” we’ll always have Army-Navy.

Yes, Virgina, there is a Santa Claus

So yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

The Midshipmen march on in Philadelphia

Army vs Navy (Ch. 4, 3:00 p.m.) – Gillette Stadium

Now to the 124^th edition of the Army-Navy Classic, the eighth most played rivalry in college football history, and its first kickoff in New England should be saluted with bugles, fifes, and drums, as its location carries even more historical significance; this year is the 250^th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, as well as the 225^th celebration of the first voyage of the USS Constitution a.k.a. “Old Ironsides.”

Perfect symmetry indeed!

Benjamin Harrison’s official White House photo

Benjamin Harrison was occupying the Oval Office in 1890, when these helmetless Academy rivals first clashed on the gridiron, a 24-0 victory by the midshipmen of the Naval Academy, in a series in which the “Sons of John Paul Jones,” hold a 62-54-7 advantage, in a game that over the course of its history has been attended by 10-sitting US Presidents, with many of them having seen it more than once.

And for that first game to even be played, each of the 271-members of the Corps of Cadets contributed 52-cents to pay for half of Navy’s traveling costs.  Imagine!

Navy’s starring Qb Roger Staubach spots his target

And in that highlighted 1963 game starring Heisman winner Roger Staubach, instant replay, a part of sports that has become as ubiquitous as Mariah Carey belting out “All I Want For Christmas is You,” during the holidays, had its programing debut.

If the Black Knights, who will be relinquishing its status as independent footballers, and joining the AAC (the American Athletic Conference) are able to defeat the Midshipmen, it will capture the annual Commander-in-Chief Trophy, otherwise the title will be retained by the Air Force Academy.

[Note: On offense, both teams run more often than Harold Stassen, Althea Garrison, and Billy Rodgers combined, but treat the forward pass like an unexpected visit from the FBI.

Army QB Bryson Daily spots his target

At West Point, the “Sons of Doc Blanchard,” are commanded by its option specialist QB Bryson Daily, with assists from tailbacks Tyson Riley, and Kayne Udoh, for a earth-moving attack that ranks ninth overall, averaging 208-yards-a-game, but one that crosses the goal line about as often as a Congress works during the holiday season, struggling as the 108^th scoring squad in the land, averaging a woeful 20-points a game.

On D, the “Sons of Josh McNary,” featuring backers Leo Lowin, Kalib Fortner, and safety Quindrelin Hammonds, have performed like the matadors of Cordoba, surrendering 180-yards a game, which is the wrong battle plan defending against the Anchors Aweigh Boys from Annapolis.

With a hat tip to Herman Wouk, and his classic “The Caine Mutiny” the offense of  the “Sons of Captain Queeg”  is directed by its seasoned option commander QB Xavier Arline, and shared with his partner Braxton Woodson, with assists from its principle earth mover Alex Tecza, who averages over six yards a carry, for a squad, like its military counterpart, scores points, (averaging 18-a game) about as often as a Melania Trump sighting.

On D, the “Sons of Chet Moeller,” anchored by backer Colin Ramos and safety Rayuan Lane III, ranked 28^th in the nation in slowing the run, allowing 121-yards-a-game, which might be the key to a Midshipmen victory.

The beauty of this game is not only the fierce hard-hitting competition, but for nearly every senior, it will be the final time they will every strap on a helmet, but unlike most college football seniors, in a few weeks they will likely find themselves deployed in harm’s way in a world, with apologies to Barry McGuire, that seems to be “On the eve of destruction.”

That said, we believe the Cadets of Army are the better coached and balanced team, and captures the Commander-in-Chief Trophy, earning the coveted invite to the White House.

Last week 1-2              Season record; 24-18

With a hat-tip to James Earle Fraser’s masterpiece, this is “the end of the trail” of another college football season.  And with another hat-tip to Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans, Happy trails until we meet again. Peace, be well, and more than ever, listen to the music.   PK

No. 1 Georgia vs No. 8 Alabama – SEC Championship Game, No. 5 Oregon vs No. 3 Washington Pac-12 Championship, No.4 Florida State vs No. 15 Louisville ACC Championship

We begin this conference championship week, another cash$$$$$ grabbing move by the conferences, and one that we deeply disdain, and one that could cause a rain chaos, and hopefully will, for the committee tasked with selecting the final four teams for the playoff.

Anyway, we begin our next to last week with a punters delight, an all-time over/under low, and couple of brothers ignoring the offensive ineptitude and having a blast.

The Punts Brothers loving another punt in the Iowa/Nebraska game which had he lowest over-under total in the history of college football at 24.5 and the under came in!!

Last Friday’s game between the offensively challenged Huskers of Nebraska, and the equally impotent Hawkeyes of Iowa, who ironically are both tied as the 121^st worst scoring offenses in America, and yet Iowa miraculously has managed to win 10-games, and will be facing Michigan in the Big Ten championship game, was given the all-time lowest over/under total of 24.5 in the history of college football, and of course it went under with Iowa winning 13-10.

But despite that snooze fest, two brothers on the Nebraska side wearing Punts sweatshirts were whooping it up every time a punt was made, and there were 14 in this game.

Good for them.

On this championship weekend, let’s see which teams kick away its chances for immortality, and which performs so well it doesn’t’ call upon its punter until deep into the fourth quarter.

No.1 Georgia vs No. 8 Alabama (Ch. 4, 4 p.m.) – SEC Championship Game

Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk

Georgia has posted better number than the combined checking accounts of both Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk, or the racing record of Formula 1 superstar driver Max Verstappen.

And with a hat-tip to the Sherman brothers of “Mary Poppins” fame, the Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious footballers from Athens, are riding an eye-popping Secretariat-like SEC record of 29 wins in-a-row, are 12-0 for the third consecutive regular season, and have held the A. P. Poll’s No. 1 position for 24-consecutive weeks, which is second most in its history, behind only USC who had a run of 33-straight weeks.  WOW!

These fabulous “Sons of Vince Dooley,” who have won 39-consecutive regular season games, and are three challenging wins away from winning its third straight national championship, a feat never before achieved since the debut of the A.P. Poll in 1936, at a time when Winston Churchill and FDR was sniffing the winds of war.

Georgia’s steadily improving QB Carson Beck awaits for the snap

On offense, the Red and Black cladded “Sons of Hershel,” are under the command of its steadily improving field general Carson (22 TDs-6 INTs 72%) Beck, who directs the nation’s eighth (39 pts) highest scoring offense, with assists from a pair of bruising roadrunners; Kendall Milton, and Daijun Edwards, who have combined for 1424-yards, and 21 TDs, for a one-two punch that rivals that of Tommy Hearns.

Tailback Kendall Milton looks for the opening

And when the Dawgs QB takes to the Athens skies, he targets a “Fab-4,” of receivers led by all-world tight end Brock Bowers, and wideout Dominic Levett, who have combined for 100-catches and 9 touchdowns. 

[Note: Bowers, and receiver Ladd McConkey, were held out last week nursing injuries and remain questionable right up to game time, but we believe both will play on Saturday.]

On D, the attacking “Sons of Jake Scott,” the nation’s sixth (15 pts) stingiest, swarm to the ball behind its punishing backer, Smael Mondon, nose tackle Nazir Stackhouse, and corner Tykee Smith, and have been harder to penetrate than the security surrounding Israeli Prime Minister Bibi Netanyahu.

This may well be a tall task for the Georgia footballers, who, with apologies to Monty Python, are holding steady on its “Holy Grail” crusade to capture that third consecutive championship.

The reason, St. Nick’s Tide are an eye-popping 17-1 when he leads a team into Atlanta, with the only loss occurring during the 2008 SEC Title Game, and he’s a perfect 3-0 against his former assistant Kirby Smart.

Isaiah Bond makes his miraculous game ending season saving catch

Last week, with a hat-tip to Ian Fleming, the savior of the Tide’s quest for a playoff berth was also a Bond, not James, but Isaiah, who’s improbable, and unfathomable last second touchdown grab, miraculously kept the Tuscaloosa footballers’ title hopes alive.

And as we have previously posted, St Nick has never gone more than three years since taking up residence at Bryant-Denny Stadium without capturing a national championship. 

And yes kids, this is year 3!

The Tides starry QB Jalen Milroe spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Kenny Stabler,” are directed by its scintillating, swashbuckling, bazooka-armed and vastly improved gunslinger Jalen (21 TDs- INTs 66%) Milroe, who is equally dangerous on the run with 12 rushing TD.

He gets a grande assist from a pair of wall busting bulldozing tailbacks Jase McClellan (questionable foot), and Roydell Williams, who have combined for 1300-yards, and 10 TDs.

[Note: If McClellan is a scratch, Jam Miller. and Justice Haynes, will be called up to fill that huge hole.]

And when Bama’s commander takes to the Tuscaloosan skies, he selects from a trio of glue-fingered chain-movers; Isaiah “Mr. Season Saving” Bond, Georgia transfer, Jermaine (22-yards a catch – 7 TDs) Burton, and Amari Niblack, all whom are dangerous defense stressors.

Bama’s one man wrecking crew backer Dallas Taylor makes a crushing tackle

On D, the “Sons of Marty Lyons,” led by end Justin (10.5 tfls-6 sacks) Eboigbe, backer Dallas (12.5 tfls-8 sacks) Turner, and safety Caleb Downs, are solid in all phases, but have shown some susceptibility defending against the run, which is not the best Julia Child award winning recipe against the feisty Dawgs.

That said, with a hat tip to Jay McInerney of “Bright Lights, Big City” fame, we think the Broadway curtain closes down on Saban’s remarkable streak of an Alabama national championship every three-years, as the Bulldogs win its 30th in-a-row, and close within two-wins of national title number three.  Imagine!

No. 5 Oregon vs No. 3 Washington (Ch. 5, 8 p.m. – Friday) The Pac-12 Championship.

Despite the fact that the Pac-12 has pulled a Houdini, disappearing like the Rembrandt masterpiece: “The Storm on the Sea of Galilee,” from the Isabel Stewart Gardner Museum, the league’s final game is overflowing with more drama than the backstage of a Bob Fosse musical, as playoff invitations, and a likely Heisman Trophy winner, may well be riding on its outcome.

Oregon’s Heisman front runner Bo Nix spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Norm Van Brocklin,” are commanded by its surgical wizard, and Heisman frontrunner QB Bo (37 TDs – 2 INTs 78.5 %) Nix, who plays with the same swashbuckling panache of Errol Flynn in “Captain Blood,” as he leads the nation in passing efficiency, passing (3906) yards, sits second in passing TDs, while directing the nation’s second (45 pts) highest scoring band in the land.

The Emerald City marksman, who hits his target with the same accuracy as the Feds delivering another subpoena to Donald Trump, is assisted by arguably the most dynamic receiving duo in America; Troy Franklin, and Tez Johnson, who have combined for a jaw dropping 141-grabs, 22-TDs, while gobbling up 2291- receiving yards.  WOW!

 

the Ducks Bucky Irving on the run

And with a nod to Oregon’s iconic track legend Steve Prefontaine, the Ducks scorched earth roadrunners Bucky Irving, and Jordan James have combined for 1704-yards and 20-touchdowns, and will put tremendous pressure on the Huskies defensive coordinators.

On D, the swarming “Sons of Patrick Chung,” the nation’s seventh (15 pts) stingiest, led by backer Jeffrey Bassa, end Jordan Burch, and safety Tysheem Johnson, stone runners, but have shown some susceptibility defending aerial attacks which may be problematic in facing the Huskies.

Jim Phelps from original Mission Impossible

With a hat tip to “Mr. Phelps” of the television classic “Mission Impossible” which ran on Sunday nights from 1966 to 1977, the mission from “The Secretary” to the Seattle Footballers is self-explanatory, and one that they have accepted, win the game, and a coveted invitation into the college football playoff will be, with apologies to the Stones and its classic “Dead Flowers,” be sent “by the US mail.”

But as every coach in America is well aware, defeating a team twice in the same season is a task that rivals the height of the Prudential Tower.

UW’s Heisman contender Michael Penix fires toward his target

On offense, the “Sons of Sonny Sixkiller,” are commanded by another leading Heisman contender, southpaw QB Mike (32 TDs-8 INTS 65%) Penix, who is fourth in touchdown passes, and second passing yards, and the lead dog of this current Huskies revival.

The Koufaxian lefty is assisted by a pair of starry defense stressing receivers Rome Odunze, and Ja’Lyn Polk, who together have hauled in 21 TD passes, for 2269- receiving yards. 

But unlike its Ducks counterpart, UW’s ground attack is a near bottom feeding 103^rd overall, averaging 122-yards-a-game, which will allow Oregon’s front seven to attack Penix with impunity. 

The other major issue for the Seattle footballers is a colander-like D, ranked D 93^rd overall, with more holes than any testimony, or resume, by George Santos, especially a pass defense that mucks a near bottom feeding 122^nd overall, led by end Bralen Trice, and backers Edefuan Ulofowhich, and Alphonzo Tuputna, all of whom are leading candidates for the Matador Improvement School located in Seville, Spain.

In closing, as we have mentioned before, there is a delicious Shakespearean twisting delight floating around this game, as it is likely that one of these two teams will be invited into the final four playoff, and with a hat tip to a R.E.M. in final year of the Pac-12 as we know it!! 

It’s shameful and sad that a league that has rivalries that are over a century old, sold out for a pocket full of Judas shekels, or with a hat tip to Zero Mostel in “Fiddler on the Roof,” If I was a rich man…

No. 4 Florida State vs No. 15 Louisville (Ch. 5, 8 p.m.) ACC Championship Game

Two SEC coaching legends Bobby Bowden and Steve Spurrier

We begin with a nod to the actor and singer Ed Ames, (for you young’uns, YouTube his hilarious 1965 axe throwing incident on “The Johnny Carson Show”) as Florida State’s “Tomahawk Nation,” is conjuring up the spirit of Bobby “Dadgummit” Bowden, as Mike Norvell’s Garnet and Gold cladded footballers, are a single win away from earning a coveted invitation into the College Football Playoff.

But with apologies to Robert Preston from the “Music Man,” “There is trouble right here in Tallahassee.”

The offense of FSU, the nation’s tenth (38-points) highest scoring footballers, who are riding a winning streak of 18 in-a-row, suffered a tremendous blow two-weeks ago with the loss of its starry dual-threat QB Jordan Travis, who was the glue and heart of the team.

FSU’s next man up QB Tate Rodemaker has the weight of the Seminole nation on his right arm

It has left the Seminoles sort of like Sisyphus pushing a boulder up the hill, but in this case, the weight of that playoff invite, and dreams of its faithful rests squarely on the right arm of its red-shirt junior QB Tate Rodemaker, to keep the “Tallahassee Express” rolling on its winning track. 

The newbie field-general is assisted by his bulldozing tailback Trey (6-yards a carry, 14 TDs) Benson, who runs with the anger of a Cambridge librarian at the sight of a MAGA 24 sign.

And when the kid takes to the skies over Doak Campbell, he focuses like the Hubble Telescope at his Himalayan-sized safety blanket, receiver Johnny (6-7, 240 pounds) Wilson, who along with his partner Keon (11 TDs) Coleman, operate an offense that has the fewest turnovers in America, having committed an eye-popping total of five all season.

On D, the “Sons of Ron Simmons,” the nation’s eleventh (16 pts) tightest, anchored by backers Kalen (10 tfls-7 sacks) DeLoach, Tatum Bethune, and end Patrick (11.5 tfls-5 sacks) Payson, hit with the force of a Bobby Hull slapper off the head of goalie Gump Worsley.

In the “Land of Thoroughbreds,” Louisville, Kentucky as well as the home of Muhammad Ali, the “Sons of Johnny U,” a.k.a. the Louisville Cardinals, are making its first appearance in the ACC championship game, as well as searching for its first win over a top-five opponent, since September 17, 2016, ironically a 63-20 thrashing over these very same Boys from Tallahassee.

Jahwar Jordan on the run

And like its famed four legged borders of the stalls of Churchill Downs, when the Cardinals footballers run for 100-yards or more, it parades down Main Street behind 9-1 record, carried by the legs of its explosive earth moving tandem; Jawhar Jordan, and Isaac Guerendo, who both average over 6-yards a carry, making them the No. 2, and No.4, best yards per carry tailbacks in America, while having combined for 1715-yards and 21 TDs.  WOW!

Louisville QB Jack Plummer spots his target

The director of the Red and Black cladded eleven is its transfer QB Jack (21 TDs-11 INTs 66%) Plummer, with assists from a foursome of receivers: Jamari Thrash, Chris Bell, Kevin Coleman, and Ahmari Huggins-Bruce, dependable chain movers all.

On D, the “Sons of Frank Minnifield,” anchored by end Ashton (14.5 tfls-11 sacks) Gillotte, who is seventh in the nation in sacks, backer TJ Quinn, and safety Devin Neal, surrender less than 100-rushing yards a game, but in its last three contests have been gashed wider than the bottom of the Titanic.

This is a hard game to get a handle, especially with the Noles QB situation, but that said, with a hat-tip to the Beatles, we’ll stay with the Tallahassee Magical Mystery tour, and the indomitable spirit of Bobby Bowden to carry the Tomahawk faithful into the CFB, as FSU captures its nineteenth in-a-row.

Last week:  2-1              Season record: 23-16

That’s it from cyber-space.  We’ll be up and running with our seasonal finale, our annual Army/Navy father-son journey Wednesday night.  Until then, Peace, and more than ever listen to the music.  PK

No.2 Ohio State travels to the Big House to play No.3 Michigan, No.15 Oregon State plays No.6 Oregon in the Civil War, No.8 Alabama plays Auburn in the Iron Bowl

Auburn fans rolling Toomer’s Corner after a big victory

We begin this rivalry week with a pair of oak trees, and a centrally located drug store in the City of Auburn.

The location is known as Toomers Corner, located at the intersection of College Street and Magnolia Avenue, where the Auburn campus and the City of Auburn meet, which is also the home of the famed Toomer’s Drugs store.

The tradition of “rolling the trees,” began when the only telegraph in the city was located inside the drug store, and when Auburn was playing on the road in a big game, and the results came over the teletype that it was a win by the Tigers, the teletype was tossed over the wires of the power lines.

No one is quite sure when the “rolling of the trees” with toilet paper began, but after the oaks were poisoned, the tradition was halted to let them mature, but the tradition was given the okay to resume this year and thus it rolls on, much to the delight of the CEO’s of the Charmin and Scott companies.

On this final regular weekend of the season, let’s see which teams get rolled by the opposition, and which play like oaks and protect its quarterback so well, his uniform remained whiter than a fresh roll of Charmin.

No. 2 Ohio State at No. 3 Michigan (FOX, Noon) In Ann Arbor, at the Gary Cooper appointed hour of “High Noon,” the streets surrounding the Big House, as well as most of the Wolverine State, will be as silent as a church mouse, or any Catholic rectory after the last Mass on Christmas morning.

The reason for that noise cancellation oasis can be best summarized in four simple words: Ohio State versus Michigan.

And just how big is this Armageddon showdown between these two undefeated goliaths, which will likely decide the Big Ten Champion, as well as earn the victor an invitation into the final four playoff?

Well, with apologies to poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning; “Let me count the ways.”

Kennedy and Nixon shake hands before the first 1960 debate

Its Ali vs Frazier, Kennedy vs Nixon, Russell vs Chamberlain, Sugar Ray vs Hagler, the ’71 Bruins vs Dryden, Borg vs McEnroe, Bird vs Magic, Rodgers vs Shorter, and the Greeks vs the Persians, all rolled into one.  WHEW!

Some “lost souls” from the Midwest reverently refer to this as “The Game,” but like Coca-Cola, the “real thing,” is played every year on the third Saturday in November, in either New Haven, Connecticut, or Cambridge, Massachusetts.

This will be the 119^th reunion between these splenetic rivals, with the initial get-together occurring when William McKinley was taking residence in the White House in 1897, a 34-0 whitewash by the Wolverines, in a series in which the “Sons of Bo,” hold a 60-51-6 advantage over “Woody’s Boys,” in a gridiron classic that has been played continually since the “Ruthian” Red Sox championship year of 1918.

UNH alum Ryan Day leads his buckeyes into battle

The Buckeyes are under the command of UNH alum, coach Ryan Day, who in his five-plus seasons of roaming the Ohio Stadium sideline, has directed the Scarlet and Grey to a “Twilight Zone,” mind-altering 56-6 overall record, and like Elle Macpherson is a near perfect 39-2 against Big Ten opponents.

But as the restless, and edgy Buckeye faithful are quick to snap, that the two-losses have come against the Maize and Blue of Michigan, a.k.a. the “Team from the North,” which has captured the last two Big Ten Titles, which means that Day is the first Buckeye coach to lose multiple games to Michigan in the twenty-first century.

Oh the Humanity!

 

QB Kyle McCord and his Heisman contending receiver Marvin Harrison Jr. are the key cogs to the Buckeyes offense

On offense, the “Sons of Archie Griffin,” are under the direction of its steadily improving QB Kyle (22-TDs-4 INTs 66%) McCord, who gets an assist of grandee proportions from his all-world Heisman contending receiver Marvin (13 TDs- over 1000-yards) Harrison, and along with Emeka Egbuka, and tight end Cade Stover, are arguably, along with Green from Eugene, the best receiving corps in America.

The Bucks earth movers led by its starry tailback TreVeyon (10 TDs) Henderson, and his partner Chip Trayanum are finally healthy, which makes Ohio State a much more balanced and dangerous attack.

Ohio State standout linebacker Tommy Eichenberg is on the prowl

On D, the swarming and stifling “Sons of Randy Gradishar,” the nation’s second (9.5 pts) stingiest eleven, attacks behind backers Tommy Eichenberg, Steel Chambers, and tackle Tyleik (10 Tfls) Williams, leads the nation in defensing all aerial attacks, and overall has been harder to penetrate than the security around a Taylor Swift concert, and if the Bucks are to grab the W, its D will play the deciding role.

In Ann Arbor, despite the fact that Michigan earned its 1000^th victory last week, there continues to be a Ripley’s “Believe It or Not!” element swirling around the Maize and Blue footballers.

A rare sight this season Jim “Sargent Shults” Harbaugh on the sideline

The result of the suspensions of its headman Jim “Sargent Shultz” Harbaugh, who due to a pair of suspensions, has been barred from the Michigan sideline for half the season, including this crucial game against the Buckeyes.  WOW!

With apologies to John Lennon, “Strange days indeed.”

Michigan QB JJ McCarthy spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Rick Leach,” are directed by its starry James Dean, peppermint cool field general J.J. (18 TDs-4 INTs 73%) McCarthy, who hits his target with the ease of Robert Redford cracking into a smile in “The Way We Were,” with assists from his battering ram tailback Blake Corum, who leads the nation with 20 rushing TDs, moving him to second all-time in Michigan history, and a trio of chain-moving Allstate receivers: Roman Wilson, Cornelius Johnson, and tight end Colston Loveland, for a passing attack that is solid, but will not cause any sleepless nights for opposing D-coordinators.

[Note: There is some question as to the health of McCarthy’s knee.]

The Michigan D celebrates a goal line stand

On D, the attacking “Sons of Ty Law,” the nation’s (9 pts) stingiest, and No. 1 overall, led by backers Michael Barrett, Junior Colson, and end Jaylen Harrell, hit with the evil intent of a right hand from Roberto Duran, and are harder to penetrate than the security around the gated Malibu mansion of Barbara Streisand, and its performance will also be the deciding factor if Michigan is to take three in-a-row from the Buckeyes.

After enduring a pair of Shakespearean season ending heart-daggers, we think Day even’s his record against the Wolverines, as the former UNH QB directs the Bucks, with apologies to L. Frank Baum, directly onto the “Yellow Brick Road,” to the Big Ten title, and then onto a coveted invitation to the final four.

No. 15 Oregon State at No. 6 Oregon (FOX, 8:30 p.m. – Friday) “The Civil War,” which is the sobriquet for this heated intrastate hoedown, in which both schools are located a mere 50-miles apart on US-20 was first played in 1894 when the Faustian-sized Grover Cleveland was squeezing into his Oval Office chair, a 16-0 victory for the Beavers of Oregon State, who back then were known as: Oregon Agricultural.

This is also the fifth most played rivalry in the FBS Division, trailing only Minnesota-Wisconsin, Georgia-Auburn, UNC-Virginia, and Cincinnati – Miami of Ohio, with the Ducks of Oregon holding a 67-49-10 series advantage.

But this 126-renewal is arguably the most anticipated matchup of the modern era, as a spot in the final Pac-12 title game, along with the opportunity for a potential invite into the final four is riding on the outcome.

Oregon State’s QB D.J. Uiagalelei on the run

The Corvallis footballers are under the command of former Clemson QB, D.J. (20 TDs- 6 INTs 57%) Uiagalelei, who has resurrected his career in Beaver-land, with assists from his granite busting tailback Damien (1147-yards – 9 TDs) Martinez, the nation’s eleventh leading rusher, while targeting a trio or receivers: tight end Jack Velling, and wideouts Silas Bolden, and Anthony Gould, who have combined for 113-grabs and 14 touchdowns, for a squad that has surprised the “experts” averaging 36-points-a-game.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Skip Vanderbundt,” led by safety Evan Williams, end Jordan Burch, and backer Jeffrey Bassa, swarm to the ball, but have shown some susceptibility lassoing aerial assaults which is not a winning recipe when taking on the high flying Ducks.

The Ducks Heisman front runner QB Bo Nix makes a short throw to his starry wideout Troy Franklin

In this Emerald City, a.k.a. Eugene, and with apologies to both Dorothy, and Toto, the star of this Green and Yellow eleven is the Ducks arresting Heisman frontrunner, and rocket-armed marksman QB Bo (35 TDs-2 INTs 78%) Nix, who hits his target with the precision of a William F. Buckley counter barb, or a Floyd Patterson left hook to the chin.

With a hat tip to Frank Sinatra, the QB with the golden arm, has compiled numbers that would even garner the attention of “Mr. Nike,” a.k.a. Oregon alum Phil Knight, as the Ducks commander is: second overall in passing efficiency, third in passing yards per game, second in touchdown passes, fourth in total offense, and fourth in overall passing (3539) yards, while directing with Bernstein panache, the second (46 pts) highest scoring symphony in the land.

Or as Mr. Rodgers might ask; “Hey kids, can you say, Heisman Trophy winner?”

The wizard of the “Sons of Dan Fouts,” also has the luxury of targeting one of the top receivers in the nation in Troy (over 1200-receiving yards, and 13 TDs) Franklin, and along with his partner Tez Johnson, form arguably the most dynamic duo in America, as they have combined for an eye-popping 127-catches for 2026-yards, and 22 TDs.  YIKES!

The Emerald City footballers also has the ability to be nearly as dominating in plowing the earth led by its road running duo of: Bucky Irving, and Jordan James, who have combined for a jaw-dropping 1620-yards, and 19 TDs.

On D, the “Sons of Dave Wilcox,” the nation’s tenth (16 pts) stingiest squad, led by safety Evan Evans, end Jordan Burch, and backer Jeffrey Bassa, stone runners, are solid in all phases, and have been harder to penetrate than the safe house of Kim Jong-Un.

In “Prefontaine Country,” Oregon runs off with the huge W, and in doing so prepares to avenge its only blemish, in sadly, the final Pac-12 game in league history, and if the proverbial dice rolls a seven, it might just find its way into the final four.

No. 8 Alabama at Auburn (CBS, 3:30 p.m.) Before we begin, a hat tip to the retired legendary CBS

Play-by-play announcer Verne “Yes Sir!” Lundquist, who in our opinion was the voice of SEC football, as this will be the final regular season conference game to be broadcast by the Columbia Broadcasting System, whose contract to cover the conference was outbid by ESPN.

Now to the game.

Benjamin Harrison was occupying the Oval Office, when these intrastate rivals first clashed on the gridiron in February of 1893, a 32-22 victory by the Auburn Tigers.

It was the beginning of what has become one of college football’s most storied rivalries, and one in which Alabama holds a 49-37-1 series advantage.

Shug Jordan who coined the term the Iron Bowl and his chief rival Bear Bryant

This will be the 88^th version of the “Iron Bowl,” a term first coined in 1964 by Auburn’s iconic coach Shug Jordan, the same year that the Beatles took America by storm, and a kid by the name Cassius Clay, “shook up the world,” by becoming, back then, the youngest Heavyweight Champion in history.

In the beginning, the game had traditionally been played in Birmingham, Alabama, which at one time was a leading industrial city in the South, producing pig iron, coke, and coal.

And when coach Jordan was asked by a reporter how he felt about not taking his Tigers to a bowl game said, “We’ve got our bowl game.  We have it every year.  It’s the Iron Bowl in Birmingham.”

Hence a football classic was christened with a classic nickname, known far and wide to any fan of college football as the “Iron Bowl.”

Nick Saban isn’t happy with the call

Here’s another lesson by Mr. Rodgers; “Hey kids, never, ever, write-off a Nick Saban coached team!”

The college football world stood up and took notice when the Tide, in its second game of the season lost to the Longhorns of Texas in of all places Tuscaloosa, where Saban in his 17-years of roaming the Bryant-Denny sideline, is an otherworldly 108-8.

And when that loss was followed with a desultory performance, in which the Tide were just able to  squeeze out a win on the road at South Florida, the buzzards were circling, and the undertakers were taking measurements, reminiscent of a scene from the movie; “The Quick and the Dead.”

But now, some two months later, the world is back on its proper axis spin, and nobody wants to play Saban’s footballers, as the “Tuscaloosa Titans” have won nine in-a-row, earning an invitation into the SEC title game, with an opportunity, along with some help, of receiving one of the coveted the final four invitations.

It may well be St. Nick’s best coaching job, best summarized with a hat tip to Mel Brooks, and his classic “Young Frankenstein,” Alabama, its, ALIIIIVEE!

Alabama’s Qb Jalen Milroe who has changed the fortunes to the Tide’s season spots his target

The stabilizing ingredient to the Tide’s remarkable turnaround has been the performance of its bazooka armed QB Jalen (19 TDs 6 INTs 66%) Milroe, with assists from a pair of steamrolling tailbacks; Jase McClellan, who is also dangerous snatching passes out of the backfield, along with Roydell Williams, while receivers Isaiah Bond, and Jermaine Burton provide Linus comforting targets for a team that averages 36-points a game.

The other key to this Lazarus revival has been the performance of its old school, smash mouth, sledge hammering D, as coordinator Kevin Steele has transformed the nation’s fourteenth (17 pts) stingiest eleven, led by backer Dallas (10.5 tfls – 7 sacks) Turner, safety Caleb Downs, and end Justin (9.5 tfls-5 sacks) Turner, into an Albert DeSalvo suffocating bunch that, like Anthony Perkins in “Psycho,” is terrorizing opposing offenses.

Hugh Freeze as the new hire to change the fortunes of Auburn football

In Auburn, after two consecutive losing seasons on the Plains, its new head man Hugh Freeze has the Tigers bowl eligible, but in order to compete with the SEC elite, he needs to heed the words of Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, who said, “The journey of 1000-miles begins with one step,” and the Tiger’s faithful are going to need to practice a lot of patience, something that has never been in great supply in Auburn, Alabama.

On offense, the “Sons of Bo Jackson,” are directed by Michigan State transfer, QB Payton (14 TDs – 7 INTs 64%) Thorne, who is piloting one of the nation’s bottom 119^th feeding passing attacks, led by receivers Rivaldo Fairweather, and Jay Fair, while its starry tailback Jarquez Hunter has literally carried the offensive load for a squad that is averaging a paltry 27 points-a-game.

On D, the “Sons of Aundray Bruce,” led by backers Eugene (8.5 TFLs – 5 sacks) Asante, Jalen (8.5 TFLs – 5.5 sacks) McLeod, and end Marcus (8 TFLs – 5 sacks) Harris has struggled mightily defending against the run, which is not a winning recipe against the Boys from Tuscaloosa.

Not even an assist from that “The High Plains Drifter,” Clint Eastwood, would make a difference, as Steely Dan sang, in Deacon Blues, “They call Alabama the Crimson Tide,” for a reason, as Saint Nick continues on his mission to try and dethrone the Kings of Athens.

Last week:  0-3                 Season record: 21-15

No. 25 Harvard travels to Yale in “The Game,” No. 5 Washington takes on No. 10 Oregon State, Appalachian State plays at No. 21 James Madison

We begin this Harvard-Yale weekend with a University President, and a trade of some towels, basketball equipment, in exchange for a school nickname.

Samuel Page Duke – whose surname is the JMU’s nickname

In 1947 James Madison University started its first basketball team and let the players choose the nickname.

The players made a deal with school President Samuel P. Duke asking him that if he provided them with towels, and equipment, they would name the school, “The Dukes.”

Sam Duke, being a shrewd business man, recognized a good deal when he saw one; and hence a nickname was born.

This weekend let’s see which teams look as if it left some of its equipment in the locker room, and which parade around after a big victory, with a hat tip to Gene Chandler, like the “Duke of Earl.”

No. 25 Harvard at Yale (ESPNU, Noon) When the calendar clicks to the third Saturday in November, there is only one game to lead the parade, especially when it is a rivalry that is known far and wide by its pompous and pretentious moniker of; “The Game.”

General Ulysses S. Grant puffing away

Ulysses S. Grant was in the occupy of the Oval, puffing on a cigar, and sipping from a flask filled with  whiskey, when this classic first kicked off in 1875, a 4-0 victory by the Charles River eleven, in a series in which the footballers from New Haven, Connecticut are holding a 69-61-8 advantage.

In addition to yearly bragging rights, the stakes for this 139^th edition, the third most played rivalry, behind only Princeton and Yale, and Lafayette and Lehigh, will determine whether the Crimson will finish as the outright Ivy League champion, or share a piece of the title with the Bulldogs.

Tim Murphy with 10 Ivy League titles and the league’s all-time winningest coach studies the action intently

In his thirty years of Cambridge residency, coach Tim Murphy’s “Ten Thousand Men of Harvard,” are a stellar 19-9 in this cozy little get-together, and under his impeccable HOF watch, the Crimson are 197-88 overall, and 141-68 in league play, which makes him the all-time winningest coach in Ivy League history.

Coach “Murph” has also tied Yale’s legendary headman Carm Cozza with his tenth Ivy League championship, its first title for “Fair Harvard” since 2015.

And for all of the 138 previous encounters, the 1968 showdown game in our opinion is by far the most famous, or infamous, depending on one’s university allegiance.

And with a hat-tip to the once blackballed Academy Award winning screen writer, Dalton Trumbo, this space reverently refers to it as: “Forty-Two seconds over Cambridge.”

There were only 42-ticks left on the game clock, and the undefeated Crimson were staring into the abyss of defeat, down by 16-points to the heavily favored Bulldogs,  as the Yale faithful were gleefully celebrating, waving its traditional white handkerchiefs in a victory salute.

But stunningly, the football gods had other plans.

Harvard’s Pete Varney catches the tying 2-point conversion of the Harvard beats Yale 29-29 Classic!

After a series of extraordinarily mind-blowing plays, Harvard miraculously managed to tie the game on a time-expired two-point conversion, generating one of the all-time comebacks, as well as one of the all-time sports headlines.

With a hat-tip to the school’s newspaper; The Harvard Crimson, it ran this bold and black screaming front page headline: “Harvard Beats Yale, 29-29!”

Brilliant!  Grantland Rice couldn’t have done a better job!

[Note: If the spirit moves, watch the Harvard Beats Yale, 29-28, 2018 documentary, you will not be disappointed.]

Harvard’s Qb Jaden Craig spots his target

 

On offense, the Crimson cladded “Sons of Vic Gatto,” are now being commanded by its feisty, and steady QB Jaden Craig, who replaced starter Charles DePrima three games ago.

And the talented field general, whom Murphy says “has a chance to be special,” along with its high-cotton roadrunner, tailback Shane (780-yards, 6 TDs) McLaughlin, who is the spark behind the FCS’s twelfth (208-yards) best rushing squad, in an offense that brings a smile to the “old school” coach with a winning formula of running the ball, with a stuffing mixture of hard gritty defense.

That would likely win a nod of approval from a former Harvard Student, and future POTUS, Teddy Roosevelt, who attended the second Harvard-Yale game ever played, and once said; “In life, as in football, the principle to follow is; Hit the line hard, don’t foul, and don’t shirk, but hit the line hard,” said the former Rough Rider.

And when Harvard’s newly minted commander takes to the Stadium skies, he targets a pair of “Andover Shop” high styling tight ends Tyler Neville, and Tim Dodd, while wideout Cooper Barkate is a sure handed chain mover for an aerial attack that will not cause any Ambien evenings for opposing d-coordinators.

On D, the “Sons of Don Chiofaro” a.k.a. the developer of “International Place,” led by safety Ty Bartrum, backer Matt Hudson, and tackle Thor Griffith, stone runners, but despite surrendering only 19-points-a-game, have shown some matador tendencies defending the pass, which is not necessary a James Beard award winning recipe against the Boys from Connecticut.

Yale founder James Pierpont

In New Haven, the “Sons of James Pierpont,” the founder of Yale, who said, “I give these books for founding a college in this colony,” would doubtless delight in keeping its Ancient Eight rival from winning the outright Ivy crown, while earning a share of that coveted title for his beloved Elis.

 

Yale’s gunslinger Nolan Grooms spots his target

On offense, these “Sons of Brian Dowling,” who have won six of its last seven games, are under the command of its stellar dual-threat senior sharpshooter Nolan (20 TDs-7 INTs -66%) Grooms, who in addition to hitting his target with the precision of an F-15 fighter jet, or a right hand to the jaw by from Ken Norton, ranks thirteenth in the nation in touchdown passes, while also leading the Bulldogs in rushing with 576-slashing yards.

Yale’s Mason Tipton is about to haul in another touchdown

And when the Bulldogs sharpshooter takes to the Yale Bowl skies, he has the luxury of targeting one of the nation’s best receivers, with the classic Soap Opera name of Mason (51-catches, 10 TDs) Tipton, who is tied for third in the FCS in touchdown receptions, while tailback Joshua Pitsenberger, who has garnered 8-TDs, has the power to steamroll through the guarded gilded gates of Mar-a-Lago.

On defense, the attacking “Sons of Gary Fencik,” featuring backers Joseph (10 tfls) Vaughn), captain Wande Owens, and tackle Clay (10 tfls-4.5 sacks) Patterson, hit with intensity of a surprise Humanities exam on James Joyce’s Ulysses, surrendering a miniscule high-honors grade of 20-points-a-game.

I’m a big believer in karma guy.

And this game has a certain ethos swirling around the Boys from the Charles.

Coach Murphy, as most know, lost his childhood, and best friend, former Dartmouth football coach Buddy Teevens, who died in a horrific auto accident while riding his bicycle in Florida, and we think that the “Spirt of Buddy,” will be enough to carry Murphy’s charges across the finish line and capture, what will be a very reflective, and emotional W, for the classy headman of Harvard.

No. 5 Washington at No. 10 Oregon State (Ch. 5, 7:30 p.m.) There is potential for the most delicious of Shakespearean tragedies in the final year of the existence of the Pac-12, with a hat-tip to R.E.M. “as we know it.”

The Oregon State Beavers were left at the altar without any league suitors as a result of, with apologies to Neil Sedaka, the breaking up of the Pac-12, which wasn’t hard to do.

But now shockingly OSU finds itself in a position to the spoil the playoff aspirations of both the Huskies of Washington, and the Ducks of Oregon, if it wins out.  Imagine!

Granted, it’s a gridiron opus on the scale of the size of the Prudential, but should it happen, the unwanted Beavers would earn one of the invitations to the last Pac-12 title game ever played, while squashing the playoff aspirations of the two league contenders.

“To be, or not to be,” Delicious indeed!

William McKinley was in the occupancy of the White House in 1897, the first time these western rivals suited up on the gridiron, a 16-0 Beavers victory, but overall the Huskies, who have captured 10 of the last 11 contests, hold a commanding 68-35-4 series lead.

UW’s Heisman contending QB Michael Penix fires at his target

On offense, the high flying Wallenda-esque “Sons of Warren Moon,” are under the command of its Heisman contending gunslinger, Michael (28 TDs-7 INTs 68%) Penix, who hits his target with the precision of an arrow from the bow of William Tell, or a punch from the embarrassing performance from the Senator from Oklahoma; Markwayne Mullin.

The UW southpaw, who throws with the power and accuracy of a Koufaxian fastball, is the pilot of the nation’s fifth (41 pts) highest scoring band in the land, while also leading the nation in passing (378) yards.

He gets a grande assist from a trio of game breaking receivers; All-America wideout Rome Odunze, his partner Ja’Lyon Polk, and tight end Jack Westover, who have combined for an eye-popping 142-catches, and 21-touchdowns.

And when the lefty flamethrower needs to rest his talented “wing,” he turns to his quality tailback Dillion (11 TDs) Johnson, on a roadrunner squad that sits a near bottom feeding 99^th overall.

But with a hat-tip to Homer, the Huskies D might be the Achilles Heel that tips the Huskies championship apple cart.

This 99^th overall ranked squad featuring backers Edefaun Ulofoshio, Alphonzo Tuputala, and safety Dominique Hampton, as well as the rest of the crew would be ideal candidates for a matador class taught by a Madrid master.

The surprising Boys from Corvallis, a.k.a. the Oregon State Beavers, who are silently perched in the 10 spot of the A.P. Poll, would easily be panel stumpers on the classic 1950’s and 60’s television show; “What’s My Line?”

The Beavers hard charging tailback Damien Martinez powers toward the end zone

These physical “Sons of Terry Baker,” motor along as the country’s fourteenth (37 pts) highest scoring eleven, led by its starry 1000-yard tone setting tailback Damien (6 yards a carry, 7 TDs) Martinez, while our oft criticized old friend from his days at Clemson, QB D.J. (20 TDs-4 INTs 58%) Uiagalelei, along with his trio of chain movers; Anthony Gould, Silas Bolden, and tight end Jack Velling, have combined for 102-grabs, and 14 TDs, while exuding a take no prisoners attitude.  Good for D.J.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Nick Barnett,” featuring backers Easton Mascarenas-Arnold, safety Akil Arnold, and backer John McCarton stone runners, but have shown some susceptibility defending the pass, which is most definitely problematic, and with apologies to Mel Brooks, creates a sense of high anxiety in facing the Huskies.

This is a difficult game to get a handle, a strong case can be made for both sides, but that said, we think the red headed step sister of the Pac-12, keeps its dream, and the conference’s Shakespearian nightmare alive and well, by knocking off the Huskies.

And to paraphrase Bill Belichick, “It’s on to Eugene.”

Appalachian State at No. 21 James Madison (ESPN+, 2 p.m.) President James Madison, the “Father of the Constitution” must be smiling over the success of his namesake footballers, who remain, with apologies to Yul Brynner, one of the “Magnificent Seven,” of undefeated elevens.

And having accomplished it, in only its second season of, with a hat tip to “The Jefferson’s” of moving on up to play with the “big boys” at the FBS level.

We’ll begin with the visiting Mountaineers of Appalachian State, who after a spectacular seven consecutive years of bowl invitations, came up snake eyes last year, but currently in good standing with a 6-4 record, finds itself eligible to go bowling once again.

App State’s starry QB Joey Aguilar fires toward his target

On offense, the “Sons of Armanti Edwards,” are commanded by its dual-threat rocket-armed field general Joey (26 TDs-7 INTs 63%) Aguilar, with assists from his steamrolling tailback Nate Noel, while targeting “Fab Four” of receivers; Kaedin Robinson, Christian Horn, Dashaun Davis, and Eli Wilson, who have combined for a 113-grabs, and 11 TDs, for nation’s twenty-second (34 pts) highest scoring squad in the land.

On D, the “Sons of Dexter Coakley,” featuring backers Andrew Parker, Nate Johnson, and safety Nick Ross, have more holes than the underside of the Tobin Bridge, which is not an award winning recipe against the mighty Dukes of James Madison.

And in another example of the millions of inane FBS/NCAA rules, the undefeated Dukes of James Madison, would only be granted a bowl slot, if the NCAA can’t fill its surfeit number of 82-slots, meaning teams with a minimum of a six wins, while undefeated JMU, who is still on its probationary period before being officially recognized as a full-fledged Sun Belt member, could be shut out if all the slots are filled!!

REALLY??!!

It sounds like something Professor Irwin Corey, or the Marx Brothers in “Horse Feathers,” may have concocted.

In his four-years of roaming the Bridgeforth Stadium sidelines, which has a capacity of 24,877, JMU headman Curt Cignetti and his Dukes, are an eye-popping 51-8 overall, and sport a spectacular 18-3 mark since making the jump, with a hat tip to Stevie Winwood into “a higher love,” of competition.

JMU’s gunslinger Jordan McCloud fires at his target

On offense, the “Sons of Gary Clark,” are under the Napoleonic command of its South Florida dual-threat transfer QB, Jordan (26 TDs-7 Ints 69%) McCloud, the director of the nation’s nineteenth (33) highest scoring eleven, with assists from a trio of game breaking receivers; Reggie Brown, Elijah Smart, and Phoenix Sproles, who have combined for a mind-blowing 138-receptions and 15 TDs.

JMU’s pedestrian ground attack is manned by Kaelon Black, and Tyson Lawton, who are merely window dressing for its dynamic Fourth of July aerial circus.

On D, the attacking and sacking “Sons of Charles Haley,” led by backer Aiden Fisher, end Mikail (16.5 tfls- 6.5 sacks) Kamara, and tackle Jamree (18.5 tfls-9 sacks) Keomab, are surrendering a Scrooge-like 22-points, before the visits by the Spirits, stoning runners, but have displayed a disturbing MBTA type of ineptitude slowing aerial attacks, which might not be a winning formula against the Mountaineers.

That said, we’re staying with one of the “Yul Brynner Magnificent Seven,” a.k.a. the Dukes of James Madison, to continue on its run of perfection.

Last week;            2-1                             Season record: 21-12

That’s it from cyber-space.  We’ll be back on the eve of Thanksgiving with week 13.  Until then, Peace, and more than ever listen to the music!!   PK

No. 2 Michigan travels to No. 9 Penn State, No.10 Ole Miss takes on No.1 Georgia, No.13 Utah plays at No.5 Washington

 

Ok State civil engineering student Noah Campbell locates his “Holy Grail” goal post after the upset victory over Oklahoma in the final Bedlam game

We begin this week with the sad ending of a classic rivalry, and a piece of that history pulled from a celebratory campus pond, that will be a treasured keep sake for anyone who is fortunate enough to now own a piece.

Last week in Stillwater, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State, after 118-meetings, played its final “Bedlam Game,” for the foreseeable future, as Oklahoma is bailing out of the Big 12 for the enticing$$$$ environs of the SEC conference.

The OK State goal posts TIMBER!!!

But it was the surprising Cowboys of Oklahoma State, who upset the visiting Sooners in this final game, setting off a wild celebration, which led to the goal posts being torn down and carried out of Boone Pickens Stadium by its jubilant students.

It was rumored that a piece of that treasure was tossed into Theta Pond a serene spot located on the edge of the campus.

That’s when a civil engineering major Noah Campbell, decided to put on his shorts, use his engineering expertise, and search for the sunken treasure.

After studying some TikTok videos, he chose a spot in the pond, and standing in the water up to his neck, and feeling around with his feet on the mossy bottom, found, with apologies to Monty Python, his “Holy Grail.”

And he and his friends began to pull out a one of the uprights, someone in the dark shouted, “It’s like a piece of the Berlin Wall.”

And to those Ok State students, it truly was their “Berlin Wall,” as they hustled it away to be chopped up into a souvenir of a lifetime.

This weekend let’s see which teams pull off a ‘holy grail’ type of an upset, and which trudge off with another loss in a season that had long since sunk.

No. 2 Michigan at No. 9 Penn State (FOX, Noon) Finally, with a hat tip to Bard of Stratford-upon-Avon, after feasting on an endless diet of Falstaffian-sized sugary treats, the “Sargent Schultz” footballers, a.k.a. the Michigan Maize and Blue, who are on a now bumpy crusade for its third-consecutive Big Ten title, will be strapping on its helmets for its first serious challenge of the 2023 season.

Jim Harbaugh a.k.a. Sgt Shultz celebrates with his Heisman contending QB J.J. McCarthy

On offense, the “Sons of Tom Harmon,” are directed by its Heisman contending field general J.J. (18 Tds-3 Ints-75%) McCarthy, the nation’s second most efficient passer, who performs with the same joyous élan of Baryshnikov and mixed with the cool resolve of Steve McQueen in the Thomas Crown Affair, as he directs the nation’s fifth (40 pts) highest scoring band in the land.

The Ann Arbor swashbuckler, cocooned by one of the country’s best offensive lines, is assisted by his wall busting tailback, Blake “Blake the Great” Corum, who leads the nation with 16 rushing touchdowns, which ties him with Tyron Wheatley for second (47 TDs) all-time in Michigan history.

[Note: The starry tailback is also closing in on the school’s all-time touchdown leader Anthony Thomas, who carried the pigskin across the goal line a mind blowing 55 times in his career.]

And when the Maize and Blue maestro, takes to the skies over Ann Arbor, he selects from a trio of chain movers; Roman Wilson (10 TDs), Cornelius Johnson, and tight end Colston Loveland, for an aerial attack that strikes with the same precision as the US F-15 fighter jets attacking the weapons facility located in Eastern Syria.

On D, the “Sons of Mike Bass,” the nation’s (6 pts) stingiest eleven, storms the Bastille taking no prisoners and is fortified by one of the best linebacker trios in the land: Michael Barrett, Junior Colson, and Ernest Hausmann, who overall are harder to penetrate than the security surrounding Israeli President Bibi Netanyahu.

Penn State’s James Franklin congratulates his QB Drew Allar

In his tenth year as the leader of the Happy Valley footballers, coach James Franklin, never one of our favs, has compiled what is an exemplary contract extending 86-37 resume.

But upon a closer inspection, and with a hat tip to Hans Christian Anderson, it would appear that the emperor of the Nittany Lions eleven has no clothes.

The Penn State headman is 3-16 all-time against top 10 teams, has only a single win in its last 13 against teams that fit into that category, and is a woefully combined 4-15 versus Ohio State, and Michigan, and well as a Foster Brooks stumbling 0-10 on the road in those situations.

As Mr. Rodgers would ask, “Hey kids, can you say; Fool’s gold?!”  YIKES!

On offense the “Sons of John Cappelletti,” the nation’s sixth (40 pts) highest scoring squad, is directed by QB Drew (20 TDs-1 Int -62%) Allar, who has awakened from his early season Van Winkle-like slumber, and is now playing with a confident and free flowing consistent rhythm.

The Nits field general focuses on his pair of Prudential-sized tight ends Theo (6-6, 256) Johnson, and Tyler (6-6, 254) Warren, who have combined for 10 TDs, but his receiving corps; Keandre Lambert-Smith, Dante Cephas, and Penn Hills, have been an albatross in stunting the Happy Valley aerial attack.

And when the Lions take to plowing the Beaver Stadium earth, tailbacks Kaytron Allen, Nicholas Singleton and Beau Pribula, have, up to this point, not caused any Ambien imbibing nights for opposing d-coordinators.

On D, the “Sons of Rosey Grier,” the nation’s third (11 pts) tightest, leads the nation’s in stoning runners, surrendering a mere 60-yards on the ground, and is anchored by backer Curtis Jacobs, corner Kobe King, and end Adisa (10.5 tfls-6.5 sacks) Isaac.

It has been the backbone of the Lions season, and if James Franklin is going to finally defeat another top 10 team, it will be on the backs of his defensive monsters.

As the entire college football world is aware, there are more distractions swirling around this Ann Arbor eleven than a sighting of Taylor Swift.

And yet despite all the noise, we believe the more talented Maize and Blue visitors grab the W, and take a giant step towards its season ending Armageddon date versus the Boys from Columbus.

No. 10 Mississippi at No. 1 Georgia (ESPN, 7 p.m.) We’ll begin with a hat tip to the late, great, and lamented Boston Globe columnist George Frazier, whose acid pen could skewer the most pretentious of sacred cows.

Boston Globe’s late and lamented acid columnist George Frazier a.k.a. Mr. Deunde

Upon his triumphant Caesar-like return to his post, after the Globe dismissed him for, as he would describe, “some bad plates of blue fish,” but thanks to an extensive readership backlas$$$h was rehired,  and the Jazz aficionado opened his first returning column with this classic rejoinder: “It’s been too long between dances.”

Brilliant!

We feel Frazier’s opener aptly describes the sporadic scheduling of this lightly played series, which first kicked off in 1940, a 28-14 victory by the Rebels, during a period when FDR was starting to sniff the winds of war, but Georgia is now firmly in command holding a 32-13-1 advantage.

The last time these SEC footballers met on the gridiron Barak Obama was in the final year of his administration 2016, and the “Sons of Eli Manning” haven’t paid a visit to the famous Athens hedges since the start of Obama’s second term 2012.  WOW!

Qb Jaxson Dart and coach Lane Kiffin discuss strategy

And with apologies to Jesse Winchester and his classic, “Mississippi You’re on My Mind,” when the quarterback whisperer, coach Lane Kiffin took up residence in the hometown of William Faulkner, the Rebels became seared into the minds of every coach in the conference, that Ole Miss is dangerous, and its reputation as an automatic W has gone the way of the rotary phone.

On offense, the “Sons of Archie Manning,” are directed by its “freewheeling” Bob Dylan gunslinger, QB Jaxson (16 TDs-4 INTs – 65% 7 rushing) Dart, who luxuriates by targeting a trio of high-cotton targets; Jordan Watkins, Dayton Wade, and Tre Harris, who have combined for an eye-popping 122-catches and 13 TDs.

And when its bell-cow tailback Quinshon Judkins (12 TDs) is called upon to plow the fields, it forces opposing defenses to pay attention to the Texas transfer’s bulldozing running ability.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Larry Grantham,” led by end Jared (8 tfls- 5.5 sacks) Ivey, end Cedric (5.5 tfls-44.5 sacks) Johnson, and backer Ashanti Cistrunk, surprisingly hold the fifth spot in the nation with 31-sacks, but have struggled against both stopping the run, and corralling the pass, and that is not a winning recipe of Julia Child status when taking on the mighty Bulldogs.

There is only one word that captures the perfection of the footballers from Athens, and with a hat tip to the Sherman brothers, of Mary Poppins fame, the word is:

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!

These galloping “Sons of Vince Dooley,” are currently riding the curl of a 26-game winning streak, have won 24 in-a-row at home, and have captured a mind-blowing 42 of its last 43, and share with Miami the No. 1 spot in the land for 21-consecutive weeks which is second all time, behind only USC who has a run of 33-weeks.

Oh, yeah, with apologies to Captain James T. Kirk of “Star Trek” fame, in addition to all the previous accolades, the Dawgs are attempting “to go, where no team has ever gone before,” capture a third consecutive national championship, a feat of Herculean proportions, that hasn’t been consummated since the dawn of the A.P. Poll in 1936.

Georgia’s QB Carson Beck spots his target

QB Carson (16 Tds-4 Ints -72%) Beck is the pilot of this Red and Black cladded magnificence, who hits his target with the consistency of a Rocky Marciano breath stealing punishing right to the solar plexus of an opponent.

The Dawgs steady, and ready, field general is assisted by a trio of glue-fingered chain movers; Dominic Lovett, Rara Thomas, and Ladd McConkey, while the its signature ground attack, led by Daijun Edwards, and Kendall Milton, has been as lackluster as a speech by Joe Biden all season.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Champ Bailey,” the nation’s sixth (15 pts) tightest, stones runners and corrals passes behind backers Smael Mondon, Jamon Dumas-Johnson, and safety Malaki

Starks, and overall has been harder to penetrate than the security surrounding Saudi Crown Prince MBS.

This will not be a stroll between the hedges for the Bulldogs, as Ole Miss has the capability to spring the upset, but ultimately we believe Kirby Smart’s Boys add another notch to its winning streak, as it charges forward on its crusade for that “Captain Kirk,” third consecutive title.

No. 13 Utah at No. 5 Washington (FOX, 3:30 p.m.) With apologies to Rod Serling, neither of these one dimensional squads, Utah’s bottom feeding (118th) ranked passing attack, or Washington’s (98th) ranked ground assault, would be candidates for his iconic ground breaking show, which always opened with his rich and intense narration: “You’re traveling through another dimension…….. That’s a signpost up ahead: your next stop; The Twilight Zone.”

Utah’s Kyle Whittingham is ready for battle

With apologies to “The Who,” coach Kyle Whittingham is the football wizard of the Salt Lake City footballers.  He’s the best coach in America that no one knows, who, unlike Brian Kelly and many of his fellow ego maniac counterparts, would be just as comfortable on the side of milk carton.

But as he embarks on his 19th-season of roaming the Rice-Eccles Stadium sideline, and coaching his 238-game for Utah, he has compiled a stellar 161-76 record, and is hardly the invisible man as Utah remains on the hunt for his third consecutive Pac-12 title, an achievement that has never occurred since the league expanded in 2011.

But if Coach “Whit” can pull it off, it will stand the test of time.

The reason is best summarized with a hat tip to the band R.E.M., “it’s the final year of the conference as we know it,” as the league, like Tom and Giselle, and Kevin Costner and Christine Baumgartner, have decided to split apart for significantly $$$greener pastures, and sadly will cease to exist after this bowl season.

The hard edged coach, who has established a culture of hard work by stressing the importance of fundamentals, is an eye-popping 30-8 in conference play since 2019, and is once again performing his seemingly voodoo magic despite losing a dozen starters to injuries.

Utah QB Bryson Barnes spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Bob Trumpy,” are now under the direction of its t-freshman QB, Bryson Barnes, as we highlighted two weeks ago, is the son of a pig farmer, whose steady, and fearless performances have warmed the hearts of even the most hardened of Utah faithful.

The Utes rising youngster is assisted by a trio of chain-movers; DeVaughn Vele, Money Parks, and Mickey Matthews, who have combined for 77-catches, while Texas transfer tailback Ja’Quinden Jackson, and his partner Jaylon Glover, are the principle road runners.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Larry Wilson,” the nation’s ninth (15 pts) stingiest, and ninth overall, are anchored by its All-World end Jonah (16 tfls-12 sacks) Ellis, who is tied for the national lead in sacks, along with its all-purpose safety Sione Vaki, and his partner Cole Bishop, for a D that has the capability of shutting down the Washington offense.

In Seattle the Huskies headman Kalen DeBoer, has compiled a stunning 20-2 record in his two seasons of roaming the Husky Stadium sideline, putting the Emerald City footballers at the forefront of the college football world.

And if the Huskies are able to run the table, it will follow the yellow brick road into a playoff invitation, as well as establish a delicious Shakespearean irony, a huge achievement in the final year of the league’s existence.

The Huskies Heisman contender QB Michael Penix spots his target

On offense, QB Michael (26 TDs-7 Ints- 69%) Penix, is the Bernstein-esque Heisman contending conductor of the nation’s fourth (41 pts) highest scoring symphony, who are a taking bows for its 9-0 start, which is only the fourth (’84, ’91, ’16) time it has happened in school history, which started playing football in 1892, when a chap by the name of Benjamin Harrison was occupying the Oval Office.

The starry rocket armed southpaw, is assisted by trio of game changing receivers: Rome Odunze, Ja’Lynn Polk, and tight end Jack Westover, who have combined for a jaw-dropping 129-grabs and 19 TDs, while UW’s running attack led by Dillon Johnson, sits a muck-raking 98^th overall, and is simply used as a keep them honest ceremonial offensive role, similar to that of the Massachusetts Ancient and Honorable.

On D, the “Sons of Lawyer Malloy,” led by backers Edefuan Ulofoshio, Alphonzo Tuputala, and Carson Bruner, are a lowly ninety-sixth in the land on third down defense, which would make them big stars on the Spanish matador circuit.

This is a classic chess match of defense versus offense, and in a close game, we have a feeling that the Utes “Invisible Man,” a.k.a. Kyle Whittingham gets a Salt Lake City resident, who is also a Utah Senator, and a former Massachusetts governor by the name of Mitt Romney to smile approvingly over the upset victory.

Last week: 3-0                                    Season record: 19-11

That’s it from cyber-space.  We’ll be up and running with week 12, Wednesday night.  Until then, Peace, and listen to the music.  PK

No. 13 LSU travels to Tuscaloosa to take on No.8 Alabama, No.14 Missouri plays No.1 Georgia, and No. 3 Ohio State travels to surprising Rutgers

Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh a.k.a. Sgt. Shultz and on his left with blue Michigan top Connor Stalions

We begin this week with a low level college football program employee, one of the most renowned coaches in college football, and a legendry television character from a popular television series that ran between the years of 1965 to 1971.

The employee is Connor Stalions of Michigan, the coach Jim Harbaugh, of the vaunted Wolverines of Michigan, and the television series is “Hogan’s Heroes,” which ran from September 1965 to April 1971.

The Wolverines are being accused of stealing opponents signs for the last three seasons by sending Stalions, and a network of at least three people, who lived in various parts of the country, to scout games by filming signs, including the 2021 and 22 SEC Title games, eight different games against Ohio State, and four or five against Georgia, and one report said that between 2021 and 22, Michigan scouted 35-games, in 17-stadiums around the nation, and the price of the seats ran into the tens of thousands.

But of course the Wizard of Ann Arbor, coach Jim Harbaugh, who was reportedly about to sign the most lucrative contract in the Big Ten, gave his best imitation of Sargent Shultz of Hogan’s Heroes fame, when asked about the illegal sign stealing he said; “I know nothing,” about that.

Whatever you say coach.

But as we all remember from the Watergate Scandal, the cover up is always worse than the crime.

This week, let’s see which teams play so poorly they look to run for cover, and which “steal” a victory with a last minute touchdown and end up “signing” some autographs.

No.13 LSU at No. 8 Alabama (Ch. 4, 7:45 p.m.) Everett’s Brian Kelly, the future HOF (300-103-2) coach with the faux cringe worthy Southern accent, who bailed out of South Bend faster than Usain Bolt blasting through the 100-yard dash, has once again, for the second year in-a-row, an opportunity to squash the Tide’s playoff invitation dreams.

The series kicked-off in 1895, when Grover Cleveland was in his second stint of Oval Office occupancy, a 12-6 Bayou Bengals victory.

But in what has developed into a gridiron passion play, has been regularly scheduled since 1964, which was the same year as the Gulf of Tonkin, the Beatles arrival in America, and a young Cassius Clay stunned the world by winning the heavyweight title, with the Tide holding an “Albert DeSalvo-like” 55-27-5 strangle hold in the series.

Everett native son Brian Kelly and his starry QB Jayden Daniels share a congratulatory handshake

In Baton Rouge, the “Sons of Bert Jones,” have flashed numbers rivaling the sales of Carole King’s classic “Tapestry,” curtesy of its electric, and elusive, swashbuckling field general, Jayden (25 TDs-3 Ints, 521 rushing yards 5 TDs) Daniels, who leads the nation in both pass efficiency, and total offense, while dashingly directing a la Leonard Bernstein, the highest (47 pts) scoring orchestra in the land, who also leads the nation in third-down conversions with an astounding 58-percent success rate.

The Tigers charismatic marksman, who hits his target with Annie Oakley precision, is assisted by a stable of thoroughbred wideouts, led by; Malik Nabers, and Brian Thomas, who average over 17-yards a grab, while combining for a jaw-dropping total of 20-touchdown receptions.

And when the “Sons of Billy Cannon,” take to plowing the fields, tailbacks Logan Diggs, and the aforementioned Mr. Daniels, are the principle earthmovers on the nation’s thirteenth rated ground attack, averaging over 200-yards a game, for an offense that is as explosive as the current state of the entire Middle East.

But as the Death Valley faithful are painfully aware, the D of the “Sons of Patrick Peterson,” led by a trio of backers Harold Perkins, Greg Penn III, and Whit Weeks, has been exposed more than Stormy Daniels or Charlie Rose, allowing an average of 4.6 yards per rush to opponents, while surrendering an average of 26-points a game, and that is not a winning formula against the Tide.

In his 17-year residence in Tuscaloosa, “St. Nick,” the Title Town maestro with stunning 201-28 record, and the owner of seven championship rings (1 from his days at LSU), has never gone more than three years in Tuscaloosa without capturing a ring, and this my friends, is year 3!

NIck Saban congratulates his starry QB in the making Jalen Milroe

On offense, the “Sons of Bart Starr,” are commanded by its bazooka-armed first year starter Jalen (13 Tds-5 Ints-64%) Milroe, who after some early season struggles, has also emerged not only as a dangerous and elusive weapon on the run, but an accurate long bomber, and more importantly, a team leader.

The Crimson director is assisted by a pair of pedestrian tailbacks, Jase McClellan, and Roydell Williams, while selecting from a host of targets, led by wideouts Jermaine Burton, and Isaiah Bond, who are capable of the explosive play, for an offense that will not cause any Ambien evenings for opposing defensive coordinators.

On D, the attacking and punishing “Sons of Cornelius Bennett,” the nation’s sixteenth (16 pts) stingiest, featuring backers Dallas (11 tfls-8 sacks) Turner, Chris (9 tfls-6.5 sacks) Braswell, and Deontae Lawson are the tensile strengthened backbone of this 2023 version of the Crimson Tide, and will dictate the ultimate direction of the season.

Despite his age, 72, and his countless accolades and titles, not to mention his national commercial, Nick Saban has said that he has been energized by coaching this Crimson eleven.  But facing this LSU offense is scarier than simply being of a Jewish student on an Ivy League campus, as running QB’s have been, with a hat tip to Superman, Sabin’s kryptonite.

But that said, we think, with apologies to Steely Dan that “They call Alabama the Crimson Tide,” for a reason, and the “Sons of Joe Willie,” grab the hard fought W, and in doing so secure the top spot in the SEC West, with its Armageddon SEC title game against the Bulldogs of Georgia clearly on the near horizon.

No. 14 Missouri at No. 1 Georgia (Ch. 4, 3:30 p.m.) This has been a show stopping performance by the “Show Me State,” footballers, a.k.a. the Tigers of Missouri, who will be playing in its most significant game since its appearance in the 2014 SEC Championship Game.

Mizzou coach Eli Drinkwitz expresses his displeasure with his QB Brady Cook

And should coach Eli Drinkwitz’s  squad spring the upset, it would, with a hat-tip to U2, shake, “rattle” and hum” the national rankings as powerfully as the hysteria of a Taylor Swift sighting in an Upper East Side coffee shop.

On offense, the “Sons of Kellen Winslow,” are commanded by its dual-threat field general Brady (15 Tds-3 Ints 69%) Cook, the nation’s eleventh most efficient passer, with assists from a Broadway marquee trio of receivers; led by Luther Burden, and Theo Wease, who have combined for 97-catches, and 11-touchdowns.

And when the Tigers decide to till the soil, it calls on its starry tailback Cody Schrader, who holds the fifteenth spot in the nation, having compiled 802 yards from scrimmage, for a team that is averaging 33-points-a-game.

On D, the “Sons of Roger Wehrli,” led by tackle Darius Robinson, end Johnny Walker, and safety Daylan Carnell, have shown some susceptibility defending aerial attacks, which is not a winning formula when taking on the Bulldogs.

In its last two-plus seasons, the Georgia footballers have been as dominate as General Sherman’s Civil War March to the Sea, as the last regular season loss for Kirby Smart’s Dawgs dates back to the Covid year of November 7, 2020.  IMAGINE!

Georgia coach Kirby Smart congratulates his QB Carson Beck on another victory

And in addition to seeking its third consecutive national championship, something that hasn’t been done since the birth of AP Top 25 poll in 1936, these “Sons of Vince Dooley,” who are riding a 25-game winning streak, have won a mind-blowing 41 of its last 42, and have been ranked Numero Uno for the twentieth consecutive week, which is the third most of all-time, behind only Miami with 21, and USC with 33.  WOW!

QB Carson (14 TDs-4 Ints-73%) Beck is the latest director of this high-flying Red and White hued Big Top extravaganza, with assists from a pair of John Deere steamrolling tailbacks Daijon Edwards, and Milton Edwards, while Mizzou transfer, wideout Dominic Lovett, and his partners Ladd McConkey, and Rara Thomas, along with a seasoned o-line are some of the main ingredients for the nation’s seventh (40 pts) highest scoring eleven.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Richard Seymour,” the nation’s seventh (14 pts) stingiest, featuring backers Smael Mondon, Jamon Dumas-Johnson and safety Malaki Starks, swarm to the ball, while hitting harder than a Smitty working the barns of the summer meet at Saratoga, and have been harder to penetrate than the security around Beebe Netanyahu.

The Boys from the “Show Me State,” have put on a good seasonal show, but the Bulldogs, and its crusade-like quest for that unprecedented third consecutive title is the center ring’s main attraction, as Georgia, like General Sherman, continues on its forward march toward that SEC title game and another playoff invite.

No. Ohio State at Rutgers (Ch. 4, Noon) The State University of New Jersey, a.k.a. Rutgers University was initially founded as Queens College in 1766, which was ten-years before the signing of the Declaration of

Independence.  It was renamed Rutgers College in 1825 after the philanthropist Henry Rutgers, a war hero of the Revolutionary War.

And in 1869, when Ulysses S. Grant was sipping bourbon and smoking cigars in the Oval Office, a mere four years after the Civil War, the Rutgers footballers, along with Tigers of Princeton University, clashed in the nation’s very first college football game, a 6 to 4 victory for the Scarlet Knights.

In Columbus, Ryan Day is latest Ohio State coaching wunderkind, as witnessed by his pair of Himalayan-sized numbers.

Ryan Day and his All World Heisman contending QB Marvin Harrison Jr.

In his four-plus seasons of roaming the Ohio Stadium sideline, Day is an eye-popping 53-6 overall, and that includes an impeccable 37-2 record against its opponents of the Big Ten, or should I say the “Big Two.”

But despite that gaudy display, worthy of a roster spot on the Harlem Globetrotters, the faithful of the Society of the “Scarlet and Grey,” continue to quietly stress and grumble over those two “painful loses,” to the team from the north, a.k.a. the Maize and Blue of Michigan, who have captured the last two Big Ten titles.  Oh the Humanity!

On offense, The Sons of Archie Griffin,” are directed by its steady “Mr. Rodgers” styled field general, Kyle (14 Tds-3 Ints-64%) McCord, who receives a Grande assist from his All-World and Heisman contending receiver Marvin Harrison Jr., who is averaging 18.5 yards-a-grab, along with 8 TDs, and is a mere 111-yards away from becoming the first player in Ohio State history to eclipse the 1000-yard receiving mark in consecutive seasons.

The Buckeyes field general, whose dad was a QB for the Scarlet Knights, and his mom a team cheerleader, also lasers on an additional trio of chain movers; the talented Emeka Egbuka (expected to return), along with Carnell Tate, and Xavier Johnson, while its bottom (91^st) feeding ground attack featuring TreVeyon Henderson, and Chip Tryanum, represent an offense that has been as bland as a Barry Manilow concert, although a healthy Henderson should make a measurable difference.

But it’s been the D of the “Sons of Chris Spielman,” the nation’s second (10 pts) stingiest, and fourth overall, that attacks with its heat-seeking missile backer Tommy Eichenberg, his partner Steele Chambers, and tackle Tyreek Williams, who have carried the “Eleven Warriors,” and have been harder to penetrate than gold vaults of the Vatican.

Coach Greg Schiano leads his surprising Rutgers Scarlet Knights onto the field

In coach Greg Schiano’s second stint in Piscataway, and with apologies from the Bard from Hibbing, Minnesota, the SUNJ head man has painted a seasonal masterpiece, as the Scarlet Knights are a single victory away from its first winning season since the mid-way point of Bill Clinton’s “pre-Monica” first term-1994.

On offense, the “Sons of Paul Robeson,” are directed by its dual-threat QB Gavin (7 TDs-4 Ints-50%) Winsatt, with assists from tailback Kyle Monagai, and wideouts Christian Dremel, Isaiah Washington, and JaQuae Jackson for an offense that overall bottoms out at 105^th in the nation, and with apologies to “Charmin,” couldn’t break wind after a church bean supper.

But if the Scarlet Knights offense is a “Big Mac,” it’s D, the nation’s thirteenth (15 pts) tightest, is worthy of an entrée at “The Newbury’s Contessa” led by a threesome of swarming backers: Tyreen Powell, Mohamed Toure, and Deion Jennings, who hit with the intensity of an insult by the pompous Gore Vidal.

Rutgers has called for a “Red Out” for its Saturday Gary Cooper high noon showdown, but by games end, it will be a scarlet alert to the nation, as the Buckeyes move one step closer to it Armageddon showdown with the Wolverines in the Big House, with the goal of avenging its two-conferences loses under Ryan Day.

PS: There are several other games of note this Saturday: No. 25 Kansas State at No. 7 Texas, No. 10 Oklahoma at Oklahoma State in the 118^th and sadly final Bedlam Game, and No.5 Washington at No. 24 USC.

Last week: 2-1                   Season record: 16-11

That’s it from cyber-space.  We’ll be up and running with week 11, Wednesday night.  Until then, Peace, and more than ever, listen to the music!   Pk.

Florida vs No.1 Georgia, No. 8 Oregon visits No. 13 Utah, No. 6 Oklahoma plays Kansas

Pig Farm of Utah QB Bryson Barnes

We begin this week with a quarterback, who is the son of a pig farmer, and a taciturn coach who spouted arguably, the quote of the year.

Utah’s backup QB Bryson Barnes, who grew up on his father’s farm in Milford, Utah, which raises 12,000 pigs.  He matter-of-factly talks about the fact that when he was younger and working with his dad he would be covered with pig excrement, so there is not surprise, that when he gets dinged up, he simply uses the mantra of: “Cowboy Up!!”

And when the former walk-on led the Utes to its last minute upset win on the road last week against USC, Utah Coach Kyle Whittingham uttered the line of the year when he said; “They’ve got a Heisman winner at quarterback.  But we’ve got ourselves a pig farmer at quarterback, so we’re proud of that guy, too.”

Well said Mr. Whittingham, who is arguably one of the top three coaches in America.

This weekend let’s see which teams gets bogged down in the muck, and which after a huge victory, celebrate with a roast pork dinner.

Florida vs No. 1 Georgia in Jacksonville (Ch.4, 3:30 p.m.)

For over a half-century this rivalry was affectionately referred to as; “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.”

But the two universities felt, in a Casablanca shocker, that moniker encouraged excessive alcohol abuse, and was therefore changed to the now yawningly: Florida-Georgia, or Georgia-Florida, depending on one’s particular school allegiance.

But we loved the response, and punctuation from the Gators former iconic head ball coach Steve Spurrier, when he was apprised that during Kirby Smart’s press conference for the game, he immediately corrected a reporter, when he referred to it as Florida-Georgia.  “It’s Georgia-Florida,” Kirby emphatically said.

Kirby Smart and Steve Spurrier

But Steve Spurrier, never one to let an insult lie, responded as in classic Spurrier style; “He might wear a visor, but until he wins 11 out of 12 of the FLORIDA-georgia games, I think we all know what it’s really called.”

Awesome!  Now that is pure classic Spurrier.

Even the exact number of games played between these SEC rivals is disputed.

Georgia insists that the first hoedown was played when Teddy Roosevelt was occupying the Oval Office, a 52-0 shellacking by the Bulldogs in 1904.

But Florida insists that the game was played against what was then Florida Agricultural College, and not the modern University of Florida, and should not be counted.

The Gators insist that the first “real” game occurred in the Woodrow Wilson WWI War year of 1915, which makes this, depending once again on the colors of your alma mater, either the 101st, or the 102^nd edition of the rivalry.

You’ve got to love the traditions of college football!

The Gators renewed QB Graham Mertz spots his target

In “The Swamp,” the pedestrian “Sons of Emmitt Smith,” are directed by Wisconsin transfer, QB Graham (12 Tds-2 Ints -76%) Mertz, who is having a “Brother loves traveling show,” revival in Gainesville, as the Gators field general, with a hat tip to German playwright Friedrich von Schiller, has been hitting his targets with the precision of William Tell, warming to his new surroundings, the same way a Great White makes a summer home amongst a pod of grey seals on any beach on Cape Cod.

The Gator’s sharpshooter is assisted by a pair of solid tailbacks Montrel Johnson, and Trevor Etienne, who average over 5-yards a carry, while targeting a trio of chain movers; Ricky Pearsall, Eugene Wilson III, and tight end Arlis Boardingham, for a squad that sits sixty-third in scoring, averaging a very un-Spurrier-like 29-points a game.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Jack Youngblood,” led by end Princely Umanmielen, and backers James Shemar, and Scooby Williams, have shown some susceptibility defending the run, but overall has developed into a resilient squad that is allowing a respectable 20-points-a-game.

In Athens, Georgia, with a nod to Star Trek Captain, James T. Kirk, a.k.a. William Shatner, the two time national defending champions, the Georgia Bulldogs, are “attempting to go where no team has ever gone” since the creation of the A.P. top-25 poll in 1936, that is to capture a third consecutive national championship.

The Dawgs are also “barking” on a pair of historical streaks, as these “Sons of Herschel,” have held the No. 1 penthouse spot in the A.P. rankings for 19-conseucitve weeks, third best in history, with only Miami with 21, and USC with 33, holding that kingly position longer.

Coach Kirby Smart, who is embarking on his eighth season of roaming the Sanford Stadium sideline, has compiled a Vince Dooley-esque 88-15 record which includes the current streak of 24-in-a-row, the fourth best run in the history of the SEC.

The Dawgs QB Carson Beck spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Fran Tarkenton,” are directed by fledging first-year field general Carson (12 TDs-4 Ints-73%), the maestro of the nation’s seventh (40 pts) highest scoring band in the land, with assists by a trio of glue-fingered wideouts; Dominic Lovett, Marcus Rosey-Jackson, and Rara Thomas, but the Dawgs once feared ground attack featuring Kendall Milton (questionable), and his partner Daijun Edwards, has been limping along but nonetheless must not be overlooked.

But with the loss of Georgia’s All-World Linus blanket tight end Brock Bowers (ankle), whose performance has bailed the Dawgs out of more danger than Clark Kent changing in a phone booth, it means that the “Sons of Charley Trippi” will rely even more heavily on its suffocating Albert DeSalvo like defense.

These ferocious “Sons of David Pollack,” the nation’s seventh (14 pts) tightest, anchored by backers Smael Mendon, Jamon Dumas-Johnson, and safety Malaki Starks, Churchill, stone runners, and lassos aerial attacks, with a Churchillian “equal vigor,” and are harder to penetrate than the security that surrounding Taylor Swift.

We think by games end, the orange and blue cladded Gator faithful will be serenaded with the mellifluous chart topping tones of Ray Charles sweetly singing “Georgia, Georgia, the whole day through,” as the footballers from Athens add another notch to its winning streak, continuing its march to the SEC title game, and a chance at immortality.

No. 8 Oregon at No. 13 Utah (FOX, 3:30 p.m.) The Pac-12, arguably the best conference in the nation, is having a better “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road,” farewell tour than Elton John.

And with a Righteous Brothers salute, most of these “See You in September,” gridironers will have new residences in either be the Big 12, or the Big Ten next fall.

And ironically, with a hat tip to Edwin O’Connor, the conference’s “Last Hurrah,” has a high cotton opportunity of placing a team in the final four for the first time in nearly a decade.

[Note: Oregon State, and Washington State, are the odd men out, as they were not invited to join either conference.]

Oregon’s Heisman contending QB spots his target

In Eugene, the high flying “Sons of Dan Fouts” are under the command of its Heisman contending marksman, QB Bo (19 Tds-1 Int -78%) Nix, the nation’s third most efficient field general, who pilots the nation’s second (47 pts) highest scoring squad with an unruffled demeanor worthy of Gary Cooper in “High Noon.”

The Ducks peppermint cool marksman, who hits his target with the same precision and exuberant swashbuckling spirit, as Leonard Bernstein on the podium of the New York Philharmonic, flashing arms and his baton while directing his orchestra in a rousing version of Gershwin’s “American in Paris.”

The Heisman contender get a big assist from his pair of road runners, Bucky Irving, and Jordan James, who have combined for 15 TDs, while averaging over 7.5-yards a carry, while his Park Avenue wideouts; Troy Franklin, Tez Johnson, and tight end Terrance Ferguson, are as dynamic as any trio in America.

On D, the “Sons of Mel Renfro,” the nation’s sixteenth (17 pts) stingiest, led by tackle Brandon Dorius, backer Tysheen Johnson, and safety Evan Williams, have shown some fissures defending aerial attacks, but overall have become a much more cohesive eleven this season.

Utah’s headman Kyle Whittingham one of the nation’s top coaches celebrates the upset over USC

Utah’s Kyle Whittingham thrives on his anonymity, and his players feed off that by playing with a shoulder chip bigger than the award winning pumpkin at the Marshfield Fair.

The Utes headman is embarking on his 19^th season leading the Salt Lake City footballers, while sporting a 160-75 record of excellence, stamping him as one of the best coaches in America.

And yet he remains an enigma to most of the nation, and could easily pass as the spokesman for the Federal Witness Protection Program, or a guest stumping the panel on the classic fifties and sixties television game show, “What’s my line?”

And with apologies to Jay McInerney, Utah will never be an attractive “Bright Lights Big City” landing spot for five-star recruits but that hasn’t hurt the Utes as Whittingham’s footballers, are riding an 18-game home winning streak.

And since 2019 they have captured an eye-popping 30 of its last 32 at Rice-Eccles Stadium, and are an iron curtain 88-25 at home during coach “Whit’s” tenure, by punishing teams with the hardened edge of a master diamond cutter, and will be one of the instant favorites when it begins play in the newly aligned Big 12 next season.

Utah’s QB Bryson Barnes, the son of a pig farmer spots his target

On offense, the pedestrian “Sons of Alex Smith,” are directed by its walk-on QB Bryson (4 TDs-3 Ints-58%) Barnes, the aforementioned son of pig farmer, who plays by the tough guy creed of; “Cowboy Up” which dovetails perfectly with the philosophy of the Salt Lake City footballers.

The QB is assisted by a pair of earthmovers Ja’Quinden Jackson, and Sione Vaki, who is the Utes version of a Swiss Army knife, or with apologies to Dylan, a “Jack of Hearts, as he stars as either a tailback, receiver, or safety.
And when the pig farmer’s son takes to the Salt Lake City skies, he targets Vaki, as well as Devaughn Vele, and Money Parks, for an offense that drops to a mucky 96^th in the nation, averaging a mere 24-points a game.

On D, the swarming “Sons of Luther Ellis,” the nation’s eleventh (15 pts) stingiest, stones runners, but has shown some susceptibility defending against aerial attacks, which is generally not a prize winning recipe against Bo Nix and his high flying Ducks.

This game would delight Marvin Glass, the designer of the “Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em” robots fame.  But that said, we think Bo Nix and the team from Eugene, in front of the Utes 81^st consecutive sellout, ends Utah’s 18-game home winning streak, while keeping, with apologies to Jesse Jackson, its playoff “very much alive.”

No. 6 Oklahoma at Kansas (FOX, Noon) In 1903, “The Big Game Hunter” and Rough Rider, Teddy Roosevelt was occupying the Oval, when the Jayhawks and the Sooners footballers first clashed on the gridiron in Lawrence, Kansas, a 17-5 victory for KU.

But that euphoria would quickly change as the Norman invaders, who have won 18-in-a-row, are holding an insurmountable 80-27-6 series advantage.

OU’s coach Brent Venables leads his troops onto the field

In Norman, the gnashing and grinding of teeth over last season’s 6-7 debacle is a distant memory, as the Boomer Sooner wagon has been righted, as OU’s head man Brent Venables, has orchestrated a better turnaround than the ’67 Red Sox, or the “sweet” revival of Twinkies.

And for the 114^th edition, with apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein, we expect a full throated; “OOOOOKKKLAAAHOOOMA, where the “wins” come sweeping down the plain,” as the “Sons of Bud Wilkinson,” are in a prime position to grab one of the four coveted playoff spots, before it picks up stakes and shoves off to join the SEC next season.

The Sooners sharpshooter QB Dillon Gabriel fires at his target

On offense, the “Sons of Billy Sims,” are piloted by its dual-threat rocket-armed sharpshooter Dillon (19 TDs -3 Ints-71%, 5 rushing) Gabriel, the commander of the nation’s fourth (43 pts) highest scoring squad, who hits his target with the precision of Doc Holliday.

The Sooner Boomer field general, with a hat tip to the Beatles, luxuriates by selecting from a Fab-Four of defense stressors, Drake Stoops, who has been a fourth quarter game changer, along with wideouts Jalil Farooq, Andrel Anthony, and Nic Anderson, while tailbacks Marcus Major, and Tawee Walker, are like the race after the Kentucky Derby, necessary to fill out the lineup, but a true afterthought for the nation’s fourth (43 pts) highest scoring eleven.

On D, the “Sons of Lee Roy Selmon,” the nation’s thirteenth (16 pts) stingiest, anchored by backer Danny Stutsman, end Ethan Downs, and safety Key Lawrence, have shown some vulnerability in defending against aerial attacks, but unlike many previous Sooners elevens, have been stouter than Henry VIII defending its goal line.

In Lawrence, Kansas, the memories of the woeful “wizardry” days of Charlie Weis, who was 6-22, and 1-18 during his 2-plus year tenure roaming the Memorial Stadium sideline, have, with a hat tip to L. Frank Baum, melted away faster than the “Wicked Witch of the West.”

And with a nod to Gracie Slick, who shouted from the Woodstock stage early on an August Saturday morning, “It’s a new dawn people!,” which is the infusion of belief injected by the Jayhawks coach Lance Leipold, who almost liked Diogenes, is searching for its first win over Oklahoma since Bill Clinton was in the early stages of heating up his affair with Monica in 1997.

But the biggest question for the faithful of the Sunflower State gridironers is; whether its dynamic dual-threat QB, Jalon Daniels, who has been fighting a back issue since the start of the season, will be able to go.  If not Jason (9 TDs-2 Ints-65%) Bean will be brewing once again.

On offense, these “Sons of Gayle Sayers,” courtesy of its stellar offensive line, follow closely in the shadow of its HOF tailback, as the Jayhawks, led by the tailback paring of Devon Neal, and Daniel Hishaw, who average over 6-yards a carry, and have the ability to slice through a defense with the expertise of a Ginsu Master.

When KU takes to the Lawrence skies wideouts Lawrence Arnold, Luke Grimm, and tight end Mason Fairchild are quality targets for an offensive attack that will not cause any Ambien nights for opposing D-coordinators.

On D, the “Sons of Nolan Cromwell,” featuring tackle Austin Booker, safety Kenny Logan, and backer JB Brown, rank 94^th overall, and have more holes than the resume of Congressman George Santos, which will ultimately be the albatross for the Jayhawks, who will give the Sooners all that it can handle.

But once again the “Wins” for the Norman eleven do come sweeping down the plain, as OU wins its 19^th in- a-row over the Boys from Lawrence, moving one step closer to that coveted playoff invite.

Last week: 3-0                          Season record; 14-10

That’s it from cyber-space.  We’ll be up and running with week 10 Wednesday night.  Until then, Peace, and listen to the music.  Pk

No.. 7 Penn State traves to Columbus to play No. 3 Ohio State, No. 16 Duke plays No. 4 Florida State, No. 17 Tennessee plays no. 11 Alabama

UT head Coach Josh Heupel with his game winning stogie last year celebrating its huge win over Alabama

We begin this week with the pungent smell of cigar smoke for a tradition of the Tennessee –Alabama game, also referred to as simply; The Third Saturday in October, which started back in the JFK days of 1961.

The 62-year-old-tradition of handing out cigars to the winners of this game traces back to 1961, when, legend has it, that Jimmy Tom Goostree, the head athletic trainer for the Crimson Tide told the team that he would have stogies for them if they could end its losing streak against Tennessee, which traced back to 1954.

When Alabama won, Goosetree lit up a cigar, and danced around naked in the locker room, and a tradition was born, and ever since the winning team lights up in another grand college tradition.

This weekend, let’s see which teams get smoked by the opposition, and which lights up a victory stogie puffing away in celebration of a huge win.

No. 7 Penn State at No. 3 Ohio State (FOX, Noon) Let’s celebrate this matchup by blasting Aaron Copeland’s classic “Hoedown,” from his ballet “Rodeo.”

In a league that is as top-heavy as Pamela Anderson, or Raquel Welch, the faithful of the Big Ten, a.k.a. “The Little Three” finally have a game worthy of a Park Avenue address, whose result will alter the national rankings landscape.

Penn State Coach James Franklin with his QB Drew Allar

In Happy Valley, after feasting on a Falstaffian-sized diet of sugary delights worthy of the showcase window of Dorchester’s late and lamented legendary Sudan Bakery, we are about to find out if Penn State is “real, or Memorex” as its faces its first true test of 2023.

These gridironers first met in the same year that Fenway Park was christened in 1912, a 37-0 whitewash by the “Sons of Lenny Moore,” and as a result the Buckeyes, in a Trumpian-like tantrum, promptly declared the game a forfeit.

Since 1993, when Penn State turned in its century old Independent membership card, in exchange for a prime time membership in the Big Ten Conference, the game has become a runway glamour dance card for both teams, as the Buckeyes, who have won six in-a-row hold a 23-14 series advantage,

And as PSU’s James Franklin embarks on his tenth year leading the Nittany Lions, he is saddled by an abysmal 1-8 record versus the “Sons of Archie Griffin” and with a squad that is considered by many to be the best Lions eleven in at least a decade he desperately needs to nail a W.

On offense, the “Sons of John Hufnagel,” who are riding a streak of scoring 30-points or more in 13-concsecutive games, are directed by its steady dual-threat QB Drew (12 TDs-0 Ints-65%) Allar, who targets a trio of receivers; KeAndre Lambert-Smith, and a pair of 6-foot-6, 254 pound Prudential-sized tight ends, Theo Johnson, and Tyler Warren, for an aerial attack (79th) that will not cause any sleep disruption for opposing D-coordinators.

The strength of the “Sons of Lenny Moore,” is a road running attack that is averaging over 200-yards a game, featuring earth movers; KayTron Allen, and Nicholas Singleton, who have combined for over 735-yards and 9-touchdowns, and will attempt to set a clock grinding tone keeping the ball away from the Bucks.

And yet, despite its sparkling brilliance, Penn State’s defensive numbers are nearly as skewed as the ones filed by Donald Trump’s accountant, as the offense of its opponents has been is weaker than the Italian Army of WWII.

Incorporating those words of caution, the attacking “Sons of Jack Ham,” anchored by backers Curtis Jacobs, Dominic DeLuca, and safety Jaylen Reed, are tops in overall (193-yards) D, and are the nation’s second (8 pts) stingiest, and overall, have been harder to penetrate than the bank accounts of New York Congressmen George Santos.

In Columbus, the Buckeyes headman Ryan Day, has put up better numbers; 51-6 overall, and 34-2 in Big Ten play than Elle Macpherson.

Buckeyes headman Ryan Day confers with his new QB Kyle McCord

And yet, despite those cosmic readings, the Columbus faithful are continuing to grumble: “Yeah, but those two losses are to our despised neighbor to the North the Maize and Blue of Michigan, who have won consecutive Big Ten Championships.”

Proving once again, the old adage that no one is happy in America, except for maybe Travis Kelce, and the agent for Taylor Swift.

But a big concern for these “Sons of Woody” is its porous offensive line, as the Buckeyes usual dominating ground attack featuring a returning (hopefully) TreVeyon Henderson, and newbie Dillon Hayden, has been hamstrung, averaging a Viagra-challenged 135-yards a game, which puts a great deal of pressure on its aerial attack.

QB Kyle (11 Tds-1 Int 4%) McCord is the first year starter for the “Sons of Rex Kern,” who luxuriates by targeting arguably the best receiver in the nation, Marvin (19-yards a grab, 5 TDs) Harrison Jr., who is truly a chip off the old block, averaging 100-yards a game, and along with Julian Fleming, and tight end Cade Stover, are the engines that power the Buckeye’s bus which is averaging a respectable 36-points a game.

But with apologies to “Hawkeye Pierce,” the Buckeyes lineup resembles a M.A.S.H Unit with bodies in various stages of distress, and it is hoped that tailback TreVeyon Henderson, and wideout Emeka Egbuka, will be strapping on its helmets in Ohio Stadium, but it will seemingly be a game time decision.

On D, the “Sons of Randy Gradishar,”the nation’s third (9 pts) tightest, and seventh ranked overall, is anchored by a pair of backers, its All-American tackling machine Tommy (30 solo tackles) Eichenberg, his partner Steele Chambers, and tackle Tyleik Williams, who as a group are harder to penetrate than the inner war room of the Israeli government or the security around Air Force One.

In a game that is dripping with playoff implications, we think the UNH grad ticks his conference record up a notch to 35-2, as the Buckeyes and its grumbling faithful serenade the Nittany Lions with a full throated “Goodbye Columbus,” as the Ohio State move one step closer to its end of the year November 25th Armageddon showdown with the Maize and Blue of Ann Arbor.

No. 16 Duke at No. 4 Florida State (Ch. 5, 7:30 p.m.) The resurgent Seminoles, who are currently surfing on a streak of 12 wins in-a-row, have also drawn a perfect Blackjack hand of 21-0 in their gridiron matchups with the Blue Devils of Duke.

Duke coach Mike Elko and his starry QB Riley Leonard

But with a hat tip to singer Gene Chandler, there is a new “Duke of Earl” in Durham, coach Mike Elko, a U of Penn grad, and the reigning ACC Coach of the Year.

His is the architect of this remarkable renaissance and in just his second season of roaming of the Wallace Wade sideline has compiled an eye-popping 14-5 record, transforming the Dukies from a “get well” game, into a team that must be taken very seriously.

These “Sons of Al DeRogatis” opened its season with a historic 28-7 upset over the Tigers of Clemson.

It was Duke’s first victory over a top-10 team since the days when Steve Spurrier was spinning his Durham magic in 1989, and its largest margin against a ranked opponent since the dark days of when FDR and Winston Churchill were sipping bourbon late into the night in the private quarters of the White House during the WWII year of 1942. WOW!

But with apologies to Robert Preston, there may be trouble right here in Durham City, as its starry dual-threat QB, Riley Leonard, whose accuracy is somewhat suspect, but on the run he is as dynamic player as any player in the nation, is still on the mend from a high ankle sprain, and remains questionable for this hugely important game.

If Leonard can’t go, red shirt freshman Henry Belin IV gets the call, and he’ll lean heavily on his top-20 (198 yards) rushing attack, which features a pair of steamrolling clock-controlling tailbacks; Jordan Waters, and Jaquez Moore.

And when the Dukies take to the skies over Durham, wideouts Jalon Calhoun, and Jordan Moore, are the principle targets for an attack that will not cause any Ambien ingesting nights for opposing d-coordinators.

But the attacking D of the “Sons of Mike Curtis,” is as tough and fearless as the Ukrainian military.

The nation’s fourth (9 pts) stingiest disruptive eleven, behind backers Tre Freeman, Dorian Mausi, and safety Jaylen Stinson, flies to the ball, hitting with the force of a Joe Frazier left hook, and has been the catalyst, and anchor, behind the Dukies impressive run of success.

Florida State’s starry QB Jordan Travis spots his target

In Tallahassee, the faithful of Tomahawk Nation have been in a seasonal long state of giddiness, flashing back to its grandiose championship days of; Jimbo Fisher, (yes, he did win a national championship) and its iconic headman Bobby Bowden.

And should the “Sons of Charlie Ward,” be victorious on Saturday night, its path to the ACC Championship game, with apologies to Little Feat, will be as smooth as a pair of “Sailin’ Shoes,” making the Noles, one of the Secretariat front runners for a four final four invite, although North Carolina may have something to say in the ACC title game.

QB Jordan (13 TDs-1 Int 63 %) Travis, who is tougher than a iron worker tying rebar on a Texas high rise in July, is the fearless engineer driving the Gold and Garnett train, exuding more leadership than the entire US Congress, which I must admit, isn’t that high of a bar to leap over.

When the Noles marksman takes to the Doak Campbell skies he selects from a trio of game breaking targets; Keon (7 TDs) Coleman, his Prudential (6-7, 240) sized receiver Johnny Wilson, and tight end Jaheim Bell, while tailbacks Trey Benson, and Lawrence Taofili, are averaging an eye-popping 7-yards a carry, for the nation’s seventh (42 pts) highest scoring eleven.

On D, the “Sons of Deion Sanders,” featuring backers Tatum Bethune, Kalen DeLoach, and tackle Joshua Farmer, have been susceptible in trying to slow both the run and the pass, and will not remind the Noles faithful of those hard slamming title defenses of yesteryear.

That said, in a close game, we think the Seminoles at night, in Doak Campbell, will have its faithful serenading the visiting Blue Devils, with apologies to Linda Ronstadt, with a full throated version of “Blue Bayou,” as FSU’s dreams of possible championship invite come into clearer focus.

No. 17 Tennessee at No. 11 Alabama (Ch. 4, 3:30 p.m.) The 106th edition of what is simply referred to as; “The Third Saturday in October,” or Crimson versus Orange, first commenced in 1901, when that big game hunting Rough Rider, and former New York City Police Commissioner, Teddy Roosevelt was occupying the Oval, as the Tuscaloosa Titans of Alabama have won 15 of the last 16 of these hoedowns and hold a comfortable 58-39-7 series advantage.

Tennessee Qb Joe Milton fires at his target

In Knoxville, the footballers of Tennessee are directed by Michigan transfer, QB Joe (10 Tds-4 Ints 61%) Milton, who has a bazooka for an arm, but is often as erratic as Professor Irwin Corey on stage entertaining an audience. [Note: Corey is another example of only in America.]

In three of Milton’s last four starts, the Vols gunslinger is completing less than sixty-percent of his passes, and when he’s under duress, which is a Crimson Tide specialty, it hovers at an unsustainable 27-percent, or a Deadwood hand worthy of Wild Bill Hickcock. (Thanks S.P.)

If Tennessee is going to win this game it will be on the legs of its earthmovers, tailbacks Jaylen Wright, Jabari Small, Dylan Sampson, as well as QB Milton, who behind a seasoned offensive line has rumbled over teams behind the nation’s sixth (231 yards) best road running eleven.

On D, the disruptive and attacking “Sons of Reggie White,” who are third in the nation with 24-sacks, are led by backers Aaron Beasley, Elijah Herring, and tackle James Pearce.

This group is intent on causing serious mayhem against an Alabama offensive line which has more holes than a dress worn by Cher, allowing an eye-popping 31-sacks, which ranks last in the SEC, and is fourth from the bottom in the entire nation.

Last week in Tuscaloosa, Nick Saban, a.k.a. the secular saint of “Title Town,” captured his 200th victory in his 16-plus seasons of roaming the Bryant Denny Stadium, and during his tenure his Alabama footballers have never gone more than three years without winning a national title.

And even though the Tide lost to Texas in the second game of the season, it remains the only undefeated team left standing in the SEC West, and if these “Sons of Gene Stallings,” win out, which means it defeats Georgia in the SEC title game, it will likely earn a spot in the final four for the first time in three years.

There’s that magic number three again.

Alabama QB Jalen Milroe spots his target

On offense, the “Sons of Kenny Stabler,” have settled on, and entrusted its dual-threat rocket-armed sophomore QB Jalen (11 TDs-4 Ints 64%) Milroe to direct the Tide to that promise land, but the aforementioned offensive line may be, with another hat tip to the composer Samuel Coleridge Taylor, eventually be the Albatross that crushes its season.

The sophomore commander’s parabola floating deep ball drops as softly into the hands of his deep threat receivers; Isaiah Bond, and Jermaine Burton, as a returning SpaceX rocket, while tailbacks Jase McClellan, and Roydell Williams, are the principles of a pedestrian ground attacks that sits 71st in the nation averaging less than 150-yards-a-game, for an offense that is hardly of recent Alabama vintage.

On D, the attacking “Sons of Lee Roy Jordan,” the nation’s twelfth (16 pts) stingiest, featuring backers Dallas (9.5 tfls-7 sacks) Turner, Deontae Lawson, and safety Caleb Downs, hit with the concussive force of a Ken Norton right, and like Robert Redford will play the leading role in the Tide’s crusade for Saban’s title number eight.

In what should be an old fashion SEC defensive slugfest, with more hits than a Beatles convention, we think, with apologies to Steely Dan, “They call Alabama the Crimson Tide,” and on early Saturday evening Bama will be the team smoking a victory cigar.

Last week: 1-2 Season record: 11-10

That’s it from cyber-space. We’ll be up and running with week 9 Wednesday night. Until then, Peace, and listen to the music. PK

No. 8 Oregon visits No. 7 Washington in huge Pac-12 clash, No. 10 USC visits Notre Dame, No. 25 Miami travels to No. 12 undefeated UNC

The Midshipmen march on at the Army-Navy Game

We begin this week with another head shaking “Only is Massachusetts” debacle.

But in a twist, this time it doesn’t involve the shutting down of the T, or one of Boston’s major tunnels, or even a fight in the Boston City Council, but of all things, the Army-Navy Football Game which is a big get for the Commonwealth, and for Bob Kraft and Gillette Stadium.

In every other city where it’s been held, it’s a huge celebratory event, often attended by US Presidents as well as thousands upon thousands of veterans, as well as the full corps of Cadets and the Naval Midshipmen.

But when a travel agent from New Jersey began fielding questions from ticket holders that their hotel rooms around the stadium were being canceled for the long term stay for migrants as per Massachusetts “Right to Shelter Law,” it left the veterans scrambling for other locations, at no doubt with a much higher price tag.

This weekend, let’s see which teams perform so poorly it belongs in the dog house, and which puts on a luxury 5-star penthouse performance.

No. 8 Oregon at No. 7 Washington (Ch.5, 3:30 p.m.) The Himalayan-sized stakes for the 115th edition of the “Border War” is dripping with playoff implications, and for the first time in its history, the Ducks and the Huskies will be facing off as gridiron foes with both holding top 10 rankings.

It is also underscored by a pair of dynamic Heisman contending QB’s, who direct the nation’s first and fourth highest scoring elevens, in a game that might be as explosive as the earth creating collision of the Teutonic Plates.

O.J. Simpson 64-yard scintillating TD run against UCLA

It is also arguably, the most anticipated Pac 12 game since the legendary 1967 “Summer of Love” clash between No. 1 UCLA, and No. 4 USC, won by Trojans 21-20 on the legs of O.J. Simpson’s scintillating and spell binding 64-yard winning touchdown gallop, a victory that put Southern Cal on its path to winning the national championship.

[Note: YouTube the video of O.J.’s run, it’s an awe inspiring poetic jaunt.]

But there is a cloud of cruel irony lingering over the magnitude of this game.

With apologies to R.E.M, “It’s the end of the league as we know it,” as next year most of its members will have a new address, playing in either the Big Ten, or the Big 12, and thus the Pac-12, “as we knew it,” will have disappeared faster than the Statue of Liberty at a David Copperfield magic show.

Oregon Heisman contending QB fires toward his target

In Eugene, the offense of the “Sons of Norm Van Brocklin,” are directed by its leather-tough gun slinging dart-thrower, QB Bo (15 TDs-1 Int – 80%) Nix, the nation’s fifth most efficient passer, who hits his target with efficiency of Russell Crowe in the movie “The Quick and the Dead.”

The Quack attack marksman, the director of the nation’s second (51 pts) highest scoring band in the land, is assisted by an Allstate trio of good hands receivers; Troy Franklin, Gary Bryant, and Tez Johnson, while the nation’s sixth best road running assault motors on the legs of tailbacks Bucky Irving, and Jordan James.

On D, the “Sons of Haloti Ngata,” the nation’s eighth (11 pts) stingiest, and seventh rated overall, is anchored by a threesome of backers: Tysheem Johnson, Jeffrey Bassa, and Bryce Boettcher,” and has been harder to penetrate than the inner circle of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi, who with apologies to “Hogan’s Heroes,” is like Sargent Shultz, “I know nothing!’ in regards to the horrific terrorist attack by Hamas against Israel.

Washington’s Heisman contending QB Michael Penix fires at his target

In the “Emerald City,” the Seattle footballers, a.k.a. the Washington Huskies, are directed by its own wizard, its Heisman contending QB Michael (16 TDs-2 Ints 74%) Penix Jr. who as the maestro of the nation’s most prolific offense, and fourth (46 pts) highest scoring eleven creates a Beethoven worthy score every Saturday.

But that offense of the “Sons of Hugh McElhenny” has, with apologies to Robert Louis Stevenson, a Jekyll and Hyde personality.

The Huskies do most of its damage behind an aerial assault that is worthy of the Fourth of July fireworks over New York City harbor, led by a trio of game changing receivers; Rome Oduaze, Jose Cuevas, Ja’Lynn Polk, that some consider to be the best in the nation, sorry Ohio State.

But the “Hyde” side of the offense, namely its earth movers, led by tailback Dillon Johnson, who is dangerous catching out of the backfield, and his partner Will Nixon, sits a near bottom feeding 102nd overall, and yet despite that imbalance, has not damaged the Husky cause.

On D, the “Sons of Lawyer Milloy,” featuring safety Asa Turner, backer Tuli Letuligasenoa, backer Edetuan Ulofoshio, surrender less than 20-points a game, but are susceptible to an aerial attack which is generally a “dead man’s” Jesse James type of hand against the Ducks.

In a game in which the scoreboard operator may need AI Assistance, or an M.I.T. math wizard, we think Bo Nix works his wizardry, as the Ducks fly out of the Emerald City one step closer on the yellow brick road to a playoff invite.

No. 10 USC at No. 21 Notre Dame (Ch. 4, 7:30 p.m.) In 1926 “Silent Cal,” a.k.a. Calvin Coolidge, the former Governor of Massachusetts, was occupying the White House Oval, when the Irish of Notre Dame, and the Trojans of USC, first hooked up in what has become one of the glamour rivalries of the college football world, with the “Sons of Rockne,” leading the series: 50-37-5.

Marion Morrison the future John Wayne in his ’26 USC uniform

One of the member on that ’26 USC squad was a lineman by the name of Marion Morrison, who went on to Hollywood fame and fortune better known to the world by his the stage name of; John Wayne. WOW!

[Note: I have the 1974 program of one of the most famous games of the series hanging on my wall.

Known simply as “The Comeback Game” the Irish had stunningly jumped out to a 24-0 lead and it looked like a “bad day at black rock” for the Men of Troy.

But just before the half ended its starry tailback Anthony Davis scored a touchdown to make it 24-7. Ho hum.

But when Davis, who scored 4 TDs in the game, ran the opening second half kickoff back for a 102-yard touchdown, cutting the deficit to 10, and what would become one of the great comebacks in college football history was underway.

The Trojans scored 55-unanswered points stunning the Irish like the uppercut by George Foreman lifting Joe Frazier off his feet at Madison Square Garden to win the Heavyweight Title in 1973.

A writer for Sports Illustrated quipped, “It was the worst disaster for the Irish since the potato famine.” And it was also the last regular season game for ND’s iconic coach Ara Parseghian. Amazing!]

USC’s Heisman winner is trying to become only the second person to win a second Heisman Trophy the other is Ohio State’s Archie Griffin

On offense, these “Sons of Pat Haden,” are commanded by its unflappable Hollywood leading man, Heisman Trophy winner, QB Caleb (22 Tds-1 Int 71%) Williams, who in addition to leading the nation in touchdown passes, directs the nation’s top (51 pts.) scoring eleven with the same effortless ease as the pilots of the Blue Angels performing their four plane barrel roll formation.

The Trojan sniper luxuriates by targeting by a trio of defense stressing receivers; Tahj Washington, Brenden Rice, and Mario Williams, while its pedestrian ground attack, led by MarShawn Lloyd, and Austin Jones will not be candidates for admission into the hallowed halls of “Trojan Tailback U.”

But as the USC faithful are well aware, and with apologies to Will Rogers, its coach Lincoln Riley never met a defense he ever liked.

As once again the footballers of the City of Angels are stumbling along with a D, that has more holes than a Donald Trump tax return, led by end Jamil Muhammad, and backer Solomon Byrd, who are better suited to be Ole’ Masters at the bull ring of Plaza de Toros de Sevilla.

The Trojan D, like the Red Sox, sits near the bottom in total D, rushing, and passing defense, and with a hat tip to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, will ultimately be the albatross that ends USC’s title crusade.

In South Bend, the carpenters have been furloughed, as the once bulging Irish band wagon is up on EBay as these “Touchdown Jesus” footballers, have lost two of its last three, unofficially dashing its hopes for a playoff invite before Halloween.

And with apologies to Warren Zevon, from his classic “Keep me in Your Heart,” Notre Dame’s wheels “keep turnin’ but they’re running out of steam,” and another loss likely snuffs its chances for any major bowl invite.

In its first four games, the offense of the “Sons of Jerome Bettis” was smoking averaging over 40-points a contest, but its last three games it has been drier than the Great Salt Lake, as ND has taken a page out of the New England Patriot’s handbook, scratching out a miniscule total of 55-points, and seemingly taken up residency on the Island of Misfit Toys.

Irish QB Sam Hartman fires toward his target

QB Sam (16 TDs-3 Ints 64%) Hartman, the commander of the Domers, who lately has been running for his life as the offensive line, which will never be mistaken for the “Seven Blocks of Granite,” has been overrun by the opposition’s pass rush.

And when ND’s field general is able to find any breathing room, he targets a quartet of chain movers Chris Tyree, Tobias Merriweather, Jayden Thomas, and tight end Mitchell Evans. And if its Paper Mache o-line is able to create an opening, tailback Audric Estime is a potential game breaker.

On D, the “Sons of Nick Buoniconti,” the nation’s fifteenth (15 pts) stingiest, is anchored led by nose tackle Howard Cross, and backers JD Bertrand, and Jack Kiser, and with a hat tip to Jesse Jackson, will be responsible for ‘keeping hope alive,” if a season turnaround is to begin in South Bend on Saturday night.

That said, with apologies to Homer, we don’t think that there will be a Trojan horse pushed and dragged into Notre Dame Stadium, as USC “Fights on!” and leaves South Bend with its playoff hopes very much alive.

No. 25 Miami at No. 12 UNC (Ch.5, 7:30 p.m.) This is the imponderable: Is it possible for the Miami footballers to bounce back from one of the greatest coaching blunders in the history of the sport?

Miami Hurricanes coach Mario Cristobal made the classic of classic blunders last Saturday costing the Canes its perfect season

In case anyone missed it; at the end of last Saturday night’s game, all the “Sons of Jimmy Johnson” had to do to win its game against Georgia Tech in which it was leading 20-17 with 35-seconds left on the clock, was to take a knee and preserve its undefeated season.

But with apologies, to Orson Welles, “Only the Shadow Knows,” as to why Miami, and head coach Mario Cristobal decided to run the ball.
And needless to say the Canes fumbled it back to the Yellow Jackets with 26-seconds remaining.

In another Miami miracle, remember Flutie’s Hail Mary to Gerald Phelan in 1984 to beat the Canes? Well with 16 second ticks left on the clock, and no timeouts, Tech’s QB Haynes King lofted a 44-yard beauty to receiver Christian Leary for the stunning and potentially soul crushing touchdown. UNBELIEVABLE!

Rumor is the next day Miami’s head man paid a visit to the Miami’s Miller School of Medicine for a quick anatomy class focusing on the Knee!

 

The U’s QB with the Dutch Master name Tyler Van Dyke fires at his target

That said, on offense the “Sons of Jim Kelly,” are directed by the QB with the Dutch Master name of Tyler (12 TDs 4 Ints) Van Dyke, who directs the nation’s seventh ranked offense, with assists from a high-cotton pair of road runners; Henry Parish, and Donald Chaney, while targeting a trio of chain movers: Xavier Restrepo, Colbie Young, and Jacoby George, for the thirteenth (39 pts) highest scoring squad in the land.

On D, the “Sons of Ted Hendricks” led by its tackling machine linebacker Francisco Mauigoa, corner Jaden Davis, and safety James Williams, leads the nation in stoning runners by surrendering a miserly 58-yards a game, and overall have been harder to penetrate than the security around the Mona Lisa, allowing 14-points-a-game.

In Chapel Hill, with a hat-tip to Oscar Hammerstein II, and Paul Robeson, the Ol’ Man River of college football, (Nick Saban will be 72 on Halloween) 72-year-old Mack Brown has seemingly found the “Fountain of Youth” in Kenan Stadium, as the wizened head man has his Tar Heels sitting a perfect 5-0 for the first time since start of Bill Clinton’s second term 1997, which coincidently, was Mack’s last year before leaving to take over as the head coach of the Texas Longhorns.

UNC’s starry QB Drake Maye fires deep

On offense, the “Sons of Scott Stankavage,” are directed by its aerial artist, QB Drake (8 TDs-4 INts-72%) Maye, who is fourth in the nation in passing yards, as the Tar Heels sit 18th in scoring averaging 36-points-a-game.

The UNC sharp shooter is assisted by a pair of field stretching receivers, Kobe Paysur, and Nate McCollum, while its principle earth movers Omarion Hampton, and British Brooks, will not cause any sleepless nights for opposing D-coordinators.

In his second season, d-coordinator Gene Chizik has made last season’s sieve like matador defense, a distant memory, as its All-America tackling machine backer Cedric Gray, and his partners Power Echols, and Kaimon Rucker, have tightened like the budgets of the entire Archdiocese of Boston.

We don’t think that a one week remedial course on human anatomy is enough to salve the wounds and psyche of the Canes, as the “Old Man” of Chapel Hill moves to a perfect 6-0.

Last week: 1-2 Season record: 10-8

That’s it from cyber space. We’ll be up and running with week 8 on Wednesday night. Until then, Peace, and listen to the music. PK