We begin the opening week of the 2018 season with a coach, who, similar to the climate change deniers, isn’t sold on the science for the reasons for Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy or CTE.
University of North Carolina Coach Larry Fedora, despite a seemingly endless list of players in all sports diagnosed with CTE, and employed at a school which houses the Matthew Gfeller Center, one of the country’s most respected institutions for sports related brain injury research, said he didn’t see any connection between football and the disease.
Really!!
The coach, who must have stayed at a Holiday Inn in order to have acquired such astute scientific knowledge, added, “Our game is under attack. I fear the game will be pushed so far from what we know that we won’t recognize it in 10-years. And if it does, our country will go down too.” Yikes!
This guy would be a perfect employee in the Trump White House, and should immediately engage in a conversation with another deep thinker, the Celtics “Flat-earther” Kyrie Irving.
On this opening weekend, let’s see which teams see its way to a clear headed victory, and which leave its alums banging its heads over another “flat” performance.
No. 14 Michigan at No. 12 Notre Dame (Ch. 10, 7:30 p.m., Sept. 1) In Ann Arbor, the Jim Harbaugh “resurrection tour” has evaporated faster than Arizona’s Lake Mead, or with apologies to “Neil Diamond,” vanished like “Brother Love’s traveling salvation show,” as the Michigan alum’s coaching by-line is stunningly hovering in Brady Hoke territory.
Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh
During his three-year residency at the Big House, “Coach Khaki’s” resume (28-11) of mediocrity is as stimulating as a Big Mac, and mixed into that burger is the bitter taste of an 0-3 record against its far superior arch-rival to the south, the Buckeyes of Ohio State.
Those taste buds get even blander when the Spartans of Michigan State are mashed into that recipe dropping the Maize and Blue into a 1-5 rivalry crevice that is nearly as deep as Siberia’s Mir Diamond Mine.
But fear not, oh ye ram-helmeted worshipers, there are three reasons that this may indeed be a season of revival, and renewal, justifying the hype$$$ that envelopes “Coach Bluster.”
First, the entire roster of these “Sons of Tom Brady” has more experience than Stormy Daniels on a stage with a pole.
Second, the D, directed by its Gandalfian coordinator Don Brown, who migrated to the Midwest by way of Northeastern, and UMass football attacks with a seemingly innate ability to move his 11-cleated -pieces the same way Bobby Fisher manipulated an opponent on a chess board.
Third, and most importantly, is the southern hospitality Big Blue was gifted in the form of transfer QB Shea Patterson, who arrived in Ann Arbor by way of the home of William Faulkner, Oxford Mississippi, and the Ole Miss Football program.
The Ohio native just may be talented enough to pry Michigan’s offense out of its ice-encrusted Stone Age.
Although the transfer rifleman just lost one of his high-cotton receivers Tarik Black (broken foot) leaving Donovan Peoples-Jones, and two chain-moving tight ends; Sean McKeon, and Zach Gentry to carry the load.
And when these descendants of “Tom Harmon” decide to aerate the Big House turf, the punishing tailback pairing of Karan Higdon, and Chris Evans consistently move the chains.
Michigan’s Gibralter-esque D, anchored by the All-America tandem; end Tashan Gary, his partner Chas Winovich, with assists from backers Devin Bush, and Khaleke Hudson is more disruptive than a barrel bomb dropped by the Putin supported butchering regime of al-Assad.
In South Bend, “Leahy’s Lads” are attempting to carve out consecutive 10-win seasons for the first time since the pre-Monica days of; 1992-93.
ND QB Brandon Wimbush on the run
Last season QB Brandon Wimbush, who earned his props on the run, and accounted for an Irish quarterback record of 30 TDs (14 rushing) is once again the lead dog for this “Touchdown Jesus” brigade. [Note: Ian Book his talented understudy awaits impatiently in the wings.]
And despite the fact that there aren’t any Nick Eddy-esque tailbacks on the roster (that was for you Tuck) Dexter Williams, and Tony Jones are capable of carrying the load.
If ND’s wayward tosser is able to adjust his GPS, he has a quartet of Hoover Dam-sized receivers: Chase Claypool, Miles Boykin, Chris Finke, and Michael Young, along with an All-America caliber tight end Alize Mack, who will severely test any defense. [Note: Senior kicker Justin Yoon, a Milton Academy grad has made 42 of his 52 kicks and will be given an opportunity to do the same on Sunday afternoons.]
Like the Wolverines, ND rolls out a D accentuated with 10-returning starters that is brimming with both Frazier-esque duende (George Frazier was the best newspaper columnist in the history of Boston), and Sunday afternoon talent, featuring the All-America duo; backer Te’von Coney, and corner Julian Love with assists from tackle Jerry Tiller, and backer Drue Tranquil.
Ignoring the fact that Wimbush’s liability as a passer scares us almost as much as former EPA Administrator Scott “What climate change?” Pruitt, along with the added caveat that Coach Brian “Don’t blame me” Kelly, in one of our least favorites, we’ll stick with the boyos of “Touchdown Jesus’” to lasso the W in a return to one of college football’s classic rivalries.
No. 9 Auburn vs. No. 6 Washington (Ch. 5, 3:30 p.m., Atlanta, Georgia Sept. 1) As the Tigers faithful is well aware, despite a lineup bursting with more talent than a Victoria Secret runway show (especially on defense), Auburn remains one of college football’s ultimate Jekyll-Hyde elevens with a maddening ability to melt faster than Marco Rubio in a presidential debate, or the glacier atop Sweden’s Kebnekaise Mountain.
Auburn QB Jarrett Stidham
War Eagle’s (Auburn has two nicknames and mascots) offensive igniter is its gunslinging QB Jarrett Stidham, the SEC’s most accomplished signal caller, who gets a grande assist from a squadron of tailbacks led by Kam Martin, and JaTarvious Whitlow.
And when the “Sons of Pat Sullivan” take to the friendly skies over the Plains, wideouts Darius Slayton (22-yards a catch), Nate Craig-Meyers, and Ryan Davis comprise a trio of talented glue-fingered chain movers.
But the patience quotient amongst its fervent, obsessive, and often irrational fandom hinges on the performance of its marquee Broadway-esque D.
This snarly bunch, considered one of the nation’s finest, featuring end Marlon Davidson, tackles Derrick Brown, Dontavius Russell, and backer Deshaun Davis, plays with more aggression than the callused twitching thumbs of “Two-scoops,” aka the POTUS, sending out his latest rage-filled tweet about some perceived slight by the “fake news” media.
In Seattle, this is a virtual playoff game.
Not only for the Huskies of Washington, but the entire Pac-12 Conference, which overall is weaker than the US response to Hurricane Maria which leveled the Island of Puerto Rico. [Note to Donald; they are American citizens.]
But as long as UDub’s coaching maestro Chris Petersen is conducting the Husky football symphony, optimism remains, as the “Supremes and the Four Tops” sang “mountain high” for the “Sons of Warren Moon.”
Coach Pete’s teams’ consistently battle harder than Alan Dershowitz against the self-anointed “intellectual” set who gather every summer on the Vineyard porch of the Chilmark General Store delivering gobs of bloviating balderdash.
Washington QB Jake Browning
Washington’s other significant “Scrabble” piece is its fearless All-America caliber QB, Jake Browning, who barring injury, at season’s end will hold every significant UW passing record.
The starry marksman is assisted by another soon-to-be school record holder, slithering tailback Myles Gaskins, who along with partner Salvon Ahmed, and tight end Hunter Bryant, should bring more consistency to Petersen’s offense which surprisingly was in need of a tune-up much of last season. [Note: there remains more questions at wide receiver than in an SAT exam.]
On D, Seattle’s Saturday footballers return nine starters, led its pair of All-Americas: safety Taylor Rapp, and corner Byron Murphy, with assists by backer Ben Burr Kirven, and nose Greg Gaines, all of whom with apologies to “Mr. Hendrix,” gives the “purple haze” a legitimate shot in every game.
Here’s how we see it.
Auburn’s inconsistencies would stump the panel on; “To tell the truth,” and despite the fact that this is a virtual home game for the Tigers, Auburn remains saddled with that inescapable history.
Therefore we think it will be the Huskies, in a very tight game who mush to a humungous victory, laying the groundwork for what just might be a special “yellow-brick” road season in the Emerald City.
No. 20 Virginia Tech at No. 19 Florida State (ESPN, 8 p.m., Sept. 3) Ronald Reagan was deep into his second term (1986) when Bud Foster, VaTech’s iconic d-coordinator, first graced the Hokies sideline. [Note: From our perspective, we think Foster is a tad overrated, and he now shares that title with Galen Scott.]
All of that knowledge and wisdom will be severely tested this season, because VTech’s defensive cast is nearly as green as former Secretary of State Rex Tillerson when he first walked into his office at Foggy Bottom.
Early on Foster will rely heavily on tackles Ricky Walker, Vinny Mihota, and end Trevon Hill while he waits for the maturation of his “young-pups” to get fully acclimated to the speed of Division One football.
VaTech QB Josh Jackson
The Blacksburg faithful are also hoping that sophomore QB Josh Jackson, who has shown more promise than Congressman Seth Moulton, can eliminate his drive killing mistakes, and laser in on a trio of quality receivers; Sean Savoy, Eric Kumah, and Ball State transfer Damon Hazelton.
On the ground, VaTech rumbles behind tailbacks Deshawn McClease, and Jalen Holston, both of whom have the ability to push through any pile.
In Tallahassee, with apologies to the “Eagles;” “There’s a new kid in town,” and the name everybody’s talking about is: Willie Taggart.
The newly appointed headman brings a sense of discipline, enthusiasm, and excitement, three ingredients not only lacking in the White House, but also missing at Doak Campbell Stadium.
On offense the ball coach is installing his “Lethal Simplicity” a fancy title for the soup-du-jour of college football; the spread attack.
It is expected to inject some spark into a Seminole offense that had become as predictable as another Sean Hannity FOX diatribe in defense of all things Trump.
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Florida State QB Deondre Francois
Deondre Francois has been handed the keys to the Garnett and Gold caddy, but should he falter both James Blackman and Baily Hockman are scratching at the door.
The QB will be assisted by three chain-moving targets: D.J. Matthews, r-shirt freshman Tamorrion Terry, and Deonte Sheffield, and unlike the “Wizard of OZ” cowering behind his curtain, pay close attention to undersold tailback Cam Akers, who plays in anonymity, yet is one of the best tailbacks in the conference.
FSU’s D, under the command of former Michigan State star Harlan Barnett, will utilize an attacking 4-2-5 scheme anchored by corners Stanford Samuels, Levonta Taylor, with assists from ends Brian Burns, and Demarcus Christmas.
We think it’s a “let the good times roll” debut for Taggart’s eleven, who is intent on returning Doak Campbell into the graveyard it once was for visitors of all stripes and rankings.
No. 8 Miami vs No. 25 LSU (ESPN, 7:30 p.m., Sept. 2 Arlington, Texas) In his two-year micro-residency in Coral Gables, alum headman Mark Richt has the Hurricanes oscillating on a steady and direct upwind course, giving its faithful fanciful dreams of a return to its days of bygone glory.
Miami QB Malik Rosier and Coach Mark Richt
The biggest hurdle for this 2018 edition will be the ability of its senior QB Malik Rosier, who too often has resembled “Mr. Magoo,” to eliminate his painful mistakes.
If the Canes QB is able to recalibrate his compass, he has a trio of nuclear-juiced receivers; Ahmmon Richards, Jeff Thomas, and Lawrence Cager on whom to laser.
These “Sons of George Mira,” can also carve some turf behind its thunder-lighting tailback duo; Travis Homer, and Lorenzo Lingard.
On D, Miami’s anvil-hardened and chiseled stonewallers attack behind a pair of All-Americas; safety Jaquan Johnson, and end Joe Jackson, with assists by backer Shaq Quarterman, and tackle Gerald Willis, all of whom can zoom like the speedway at Daytona.
In Baton Rouge, “The Who’s” lyrics; “Meet the new boss same as the old boss,” perfectly captures the perpetual mantra of; “Why can’t LSU find a quality field general?”
(Or to put it another way: where’s Bert Jones when you need him? For you youngsters ask your dad, or your grandfather about Bert Jones. Or simply YouTube and marvel at his passes to Roger Carr.)
The Tigers have been searching for a starry signal caller almost as long as the Democrats have been trying to find both a message, and a candidate under the age of 70 to be its Presidential standard bearer in 2020.
Ohio State grad transfer and LSU starting QB Joe Burrow
Dual-threat Ohio State grad-transfer QB Joe Burrow has a tenuous hold on the position, but the Herculean task of improving this Viagra-challenged offense rests with its newly hired o-coordinator Steve Ensminger, whose schemes may ultimately decide the length of tenure for head coach Ed Orgeron. [The only job with more stress inducing headaches is that of White House Chief of Staff.]
With the exception of its o-line (although it did lose a starter to suspension) the rest of the offense has as much game experience as Donald Trump with any material made of denim.
Its principle tailback Nick Crossett’s has a career total of 19-carries, while tight end Foster Moreau (24-catches last season) is its leading returning receiver. Yikes!
But like the swallows returning to Capistrano, or the overserved knuckleheads running with the Pamplona bulls, defense remains the staple in Baton Rouge.
This feisty, attacking bunch is once again stouter than Shakespeare’s Falstaff, anchored by a pair of All-Americas: backer Devin White, and corner Greedy (great football name) Williams, along with end Shard Lawrence, and Braiden Fishhook.
But for Coach O, the smitten courtship and swooning honeymoon for the Bayou State native has flittered into the ether faster than the fluffy top of a dandelion in an August breeze. (Losses to Troy will do that.)
And if LSU stumbles out of the gate, a Jambalaya pitchfork brigade will be marching toward the doors of his football office.
We think “Coach O” should start barricading his entrance, as it will be Richt’s Hurricanes flying orange storm warning flags in celebration of a victory.
UMass at Boston College (ACC Network, 1 p.m. Sept. 1) Instead of being outfitted in the maroon and white of the UMass Minuteman, Coach Mark Whipple should be attired (and almost was) in the maroon and gold of the Eagles of Boston College, but that’s a story for another day.
Regardless, Coach “Whip,” 20-years after the 1AA national championship, has his best “Belles of Amherst” squad since the university stepped up into the world of “big-boy” football five seasons ago.
UMass Coach Mark Whipple and QB Andrew Ford
The catchphrase around campus is; “Rev up the Ford” a reference to its starry dart-throwing QB, Andrew Ford, (he gets an occasional breather from Ross Comis), who along with his “Road-Running” touchdown making wideout Andy Isabella, comprise the best Berkshire combo since Emily Dickinson and Norman Rockwell.
These Amherst footballers can also chew some bucolic turf on the legs of tailbacks Marquis Young, and his changeup partner Bilal Ally, and have the luxury of working behind an Oprah-esque sized offensive line whose slightest man weighs in at a big-butted 300-pounds.
And its once colander-esque D, often softer than “Mr. Whipple’s Charmin,” has noticeably stiffened, courtesy of tackle Joe Previte, end Jake Byczko, and backer Bryton Barr.
At the Heights, optimism reigns around Coach Steve Addazio’s eleven, who in his sixth season prowling the BC sideline, is fielding his best team since his highly successful two-year (2011-12) stint at Temple University. [Albeit accomplished with Al Golden’s kids.]
BC’s All-America tailback A.J. Dillon
The lynchpin of this revival is an “Eveready” true-sophomore All-America, and Heisman candidate tailback, A.J. Dillon, who behind an experienced o-line bowls over the defenders the same way Gunsmoke’s “Marshal Dillon” ran roughshod over “bad guys” of Dodge City.
Dual-threat QB Anthony Brown (returning from serious knee injury) is steering the maroon and gold bus, with assists from his aforementioned Earl Campbell-esque bell-cow, a future Sunday playing tight end Tommy Sweeney, and a solid wideout in Kobay White.
On D the Eagles led by ends Zach Allen, Wyatt Ray, backers John Lamont, Davon Jones, and Connor Strachan (back from knee injury) along with an exceptional in the secondary led by All-America safety and Everett native Lukas Denis, hits as hard and consistently as the “Splendid Splinter.”
The catchphrase of Sherlock Holmes – elementary – perfectly summarizes the BC game plan, as Mr. Dillon will run more than Bill Rodgers in his prime, and not even “Marshall Dillon” would be able to derail BC’s helmet wearing Acela express.
That’s it from cyber-space. We’ll be up and running with our recap Sunday afternoon. Until then, but first R.I. P. John McCain, Peace and listen to the music! pk
Saturday Football 