We begin Army/Navy weekend, played by the best that our country has to offer, with a bogus story that was sailed around some years ago, by the Naval Academy.
It reads as follows:
West Point (NY) – Army football practice was delayed two hours yesterday, after a player reported finding an unknown powdery white substance on the practice field. New head coach, John Mumford (interim – 2003), immediately suspended practice, while police and federal investigators were called to investigate.
After a complete analysis by both the FBI, and Army Intelligence, forensic experts determined, the powdery white substance, unknown to players was; the goal line.
Practice was resumed, after special agents decided; the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
It was signed: Go NAVY!!!
On the official close of the 2011 college football season, let’s see which team is comforted, by scoring often, and which should be investigated, for impersonating a football team.
Army vs. Navy (Ch.4, 2:30 p.m. – FedEx Field) This is the 112th meeting between these ancient military rivals, and the first to be played inside the beltway of Washington, D.C.
It’s been a long, dry spell, for the Black Knights of the Hudson, who have lost nine in a row to the Midshipmen, (outscored 322-91), which is the longest losing streak in the rivalry’s history.
It has also been a disappointing losing season for both teams, as indicated by their combined 7-15 records; and particularly unexpected by the Naval Academy, who had made eight consecutive bowl appearances.
In this game, both teams will run more than the kids in a Kenyan village, but pass about as often, as Lindsay Lohan draws a sober breath.
The Cadets, who lead the nation in rushing (350 yds. a game), motor on the legs of its triple option leader, field general Max Jenkins, (injured starter Trent Steelman –will try to play) with assists from tailback Raymond Maples, and Malcolm Brown.
When the QB can get him the ball (19% completion percentage), the Black Knights are last in the country in passing (48 yds. a game), David Brooks with a total of eight catches, is the “principal” target.
The D featuring backers; Steven Erzinger, and Andrew Rodriguez, (92nd – allowing 185 a game) has been run over more than Wile E Coyote, and surrenders an average of; 28 points a game.
Despite its prowess on the water, Navy gets its sailing wind from the country’s fourth best rushing (313 yds. a game) attack.
The Middies are led by its triple option wizard, QB Kriss Proctor, who along with tailback Alexander Teich, have combined for a medal worthy; 1607 yards, and 15 touchdowns.
When the Sailors take to the air, (Navy is second worst in passing), Brandon Turner, who averages 21 yards a reception, is the primary target.
The Naval D, led by end Jabaree Tuani (12 Tfls. – 5.5 sacks), and backer Matt Warrick, is as vulnerable as Joe Frazier’s chin, to a George Foreman right hand, surrendering an average of; 29 points a game.
In arguably the last pure amateur sporting event left in America, the Boys from the Hudson may, at one point, have the lead, but ultimately, Navy has more size, and fire power, and anchors aweigh, with its tenth straight victory over its rival.
Last week’s record: 3-2 Season record: 47 – 23.
Thanks to all our “loyal” readers – God Speed – and like the song says; “See you in September.” Until then; Peace. Pk
PS – my Heisman ballot read; Richardson – Barkley – Luck