Handicapping Week 13

We begin this week with the Beach Boys song; “Be true to your school.”

Two weeks ago, Columbia fell to 0-9, after it was trounced by Cornell 62-41.

As if on cue, the school’s marching band parodied the words to its fight song.

The song is titled; “Roar, Lion, Roar,” but the band altered the lyrics with the verse; “We always lose, lose, lose; by a lot, and sometimes by a little.”

Columbia Athletic Director Dr. M. Dianne Murphy, who obviously lacks any sense of humor said, “Our football players, coaches, alumni, parents are extremely hurt, disappointed, and angry, by the band’s behavior at Cornell.”  Get over it.

After apologizing, the band was allowed to perform at last week’s game, a season ending victory over Brown, thus saving the Lions from the ignominy of a winless season.

[As a footnote, Columbia Coach Norries Wilson was fired, after compiling this woeful resume; 17-43 overall, and 10-32 in the Ivy League.]

We think the band may have been on to something!!

This weekend, let see which alums sing the praises of another victory, and which teams seem off key, suffering another humiliating loss.

No. 3 Arkansas at No.1 LSU (Ch.4, 2:30 p.m. – Friday) The Hogs can cook LSU’s bacon, and fry them out of the national championship game.

The high octane (39 pts) Sons of Frank Broyles are directed by its steel tested gunslinger Tyler Wilson, (21 touchdown passes – 5 interceptions) with assists by the best target trio in America; Jarius Wright, Joe Adams, and tight end Chris Gragg, who have combined for 145 catches and 15 TDs.

And when the Hogs slop it, Dennis Johnson, and Ronnie Wingo, are quality tailbacks.

The Razorback’s D, led by backers Jerry Franklin and Alonzo Highsmith, is vastly improved, but struggles against the run, which is the wrong recipe against LSU.

As the holidays approach, the Bayou Bengals, and its faithful, have visions of Sugar Bowls dancing in their heads.

Two victories, and the Sons of Billy Cannon, who are 11-0 for the first time in the regular season, will play for the national championship.

The Tigers identity is a defense, which swarms with more ferocity, than the paparazzi around Brad and Angelina.

The country’s second stingiest (10pts.) D, and second overall, suffocates the opposition behind end Sam Montgomery, backer Kevin Minter, and All-America corner Morris Claiborne, and is harder to penetrate than the Roxbury code of silence.

The grinding offense is commanded by its steady senior QB, Jarrett Lee (14 touchdown passes – 3 interceptions), with assists from downhill runners; Spencer Ware, Michael Ford, and Alfred Blue, and a pair of big play wideouts; Rueban Randle and Odell Beckham.

[Note: LSU has turned it over a total of 6 times all season.]

In Game of the Century2, we think the Hogs in Death Valley are slowly carved into sausage.

No. 6 Virginia Tech at No. 24 Virginia (Ch.5, 3:30 p.m.) Defense is to Blacksburg; as Catholicism is to the Vatican, remains one of the constants of college football.


The nation’s tenth tightest eleven (16 pts.), led by end J.R. Collins (8tfls- 6 sacks), and backer Tariq Edwards, plays with the same disdain that Newt Gingrich carries toward the media.

The Hokies offensive igniter is All-America tailback David Wilson, (fourth in the nation, 131 yards per game), who possesses more speed, than a Mexican drug cartel.

QB Logan Thomas (16 touchdown passes – 7 interceptions) VaTech’s dual-threat, Prudential-sized (6-6, 245) QB, is the director of a squad that won’t cause many sleepless nights for defensive coordinators.

In Charlottesville, Coach Mike London has done almost as masterful a job building the football team, as Thomas Jefferson did in designing UVA’s campus.

The steady Cavs are commanded by sophomore QB Michael Rocco (11 touchdown passes – 9 interceptions), with Linus-blanket assists from tailbacks; Perry Jones and Kevin Parks, who have combined for 1514 yards, and 13 touchdowns.

When the learning curve QB takes to the air, Kris Burd, and Tim Smith, are quality targets.

The D, led by backer Steve Greer, and tackle Matt Courath, is about as flashy as a Jon Huntsman suit, but solid as the reputation of Bobby Orr.

In a very close game, we think the Hokies, and its coaching advantage, somehow find a way to win.

No. 13 Georgia at No. 25 Georgia Tech (ESPN, Noon) Return the moving van, Mark Richt deserves a contract extension.

QB Aaron Murray (28 touchdown passes – 9 interceptions) is leader of the Bulldog renaissance (9 in a row), with assists from freshman tailback Isaiah Crowell, and receivers; tight end Orson Charles, and wideout Tavarres King.

But the real enlightenment in Athens has been the Dawgs D, featuring backers; Jarvis Jones (18.5 tfls – 12.5 sacks), and Michael Gilliard, the main beams behind the nation’s second best run stoppers.

Atlanta hasn’t seen this much running, since William Tecumseh Sherman, was burning down plantations.

The Jackets, second in rushing (323 yds. a game), are directed by a Houdini protégée, QB Tevin Washington.

The sleight-of-hand wizard, of this Eveready triple option, is assisted by tailback David Sims, and when he can target him (a miniscule 48% completions), wideout Stephen Hill is averaging an eye-popping 30 yards a reception.

Unfortunately, the Tech D, led by backers; Julian Burnett, and Jeremiah Attaochu, has more questions, than a new bride calling Butterball for help in cooking her first turkey.

We think the remarkable Athens turnaround continues, as the Dawgs head into the SEC Championship game, armed with a ten win resume.

No. 20 Penn State at No. 15 Wisconsin (ESPN, 3:30 p.m.) The winner punches its ticket into the inaugural Big Ten Championship game in Indianapolis.

Despite the scandalous wrapping enveloping the Penn State football program, the Paterno-less Nits, have shown a remarkable ability to remain focused on the field.

As the Happy Valley faithful are painfully aware, the Lions score a touchdown (8th from bottom – 20 pts.) about as often as a meter maid ignores an expired machine.

Its entire offense operation relies on the legs of its starry tailback; Silas Redd (1122 yards), while its anemic aerial attack, directed by Matt McGloin (7 touchdown passes – 4 interceptions), is simply not ready for prime time.

The Lions impenetrable D, roars as the country’s third stingiest (13 pts.), and features a pair of disruptors; backer Gerald Hodges, and All-America tackle, Devon Still, with the dominating state; 16.5 tfls – 4 sacks.

The Badgers could steal a line from Dorothy; “There is no place like home,” especially when the welcome mat reads; Camp Randall Stadium.

We’ll begin on the offensive side, where Wisconsin, the nation’s fifth highest scoring eleven (44), has more stars than a reflection in the Hubble Telescope.

Wiscy’s identity, is the tenth best rush attack (245), featuring Heisman contender Montee Ball (1466 yards – 25 TDs), with his change-up partner; James White, providing a breather.

The entire operation is orchestrated by another All-America contender, QB Russell Wilson (26 touchdown passes – 3 interceptions – 73% completions), who targets a pair of chain moving targets; Nick Toon, and Jared Abbrederis.

The nation’s sixth stingiest D (15pts.), is a plus eleven in turnover margin, and is led by its All-America backer; Chris Borland, who has 16.5 tackles for losses.

Wisconsin once again proves Dorothy’s theorem, there is no place like home, and moves on to the championship game.

No. 8 Houston at Tulsa (FSN, Noon – Friday) To paraphrase the famous Apollo 13 line; “Houston, we have no problem,” as the undefeated Cougars have been sending opponents to the moon.

One of two remaining unblemished teams, the Cougs launching pad offense, (a nation’s best 53 a game), is commanded by its Heisman Trophy contending QB, Case Keenum (38 touchdown passes – 3 interceptions – 73 % completions), the nation’s leader in passing yardage.

The All-Galaxy QB gets a boost from a trio of glue fingered wideouts: Tyron Carrier, Patrick Edwards, and Justin Johnson, who have combined for a jaw-dropping; 196 receptions, and 27 touchdowns.

The D, led by backer Sammy Brown (26 tfls – 12.5 sacks), and his partner Marcus McGraw, can create some Pepto moments for its faithful.

Tulsa is hoping to make it a real Black Friday for the visitors from Houston.

The Golden Hurricane are directed by QB G.J. Kinnie (24 touchdown passes – 10 interceptions), with assists from a pair of talented tailbacks; Douglas Ja’Terian and Trey Watts.

The Tulsa Tornado also has a three-pack of receivers; Willie Carter, Bryan Burham, and Clay Sears, who have combined for; 136 receptions and 20 TDs.

The D, behind end Tyrunn Walker, (11.5 tfls. – 7 sacks), and backer Curnelius Arnick, is weaker than the Congressional “super” committee, and a bottom feeding 107th defending the pass, which is the wrong recipe against the pass happy Cougars.

This is a very dangerous game for the Cougs, and we hate the early start, but ultimately, it will be no Black Friday for Houston, as the Boys from Oil Town remain perfect.


Last week’s record: 1-4.                                Season record: 39-21


Be sure to read our recap which will be up and running by noon Sunday.

Until then, Peace, and listen to the music.            pk


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