Handicapping Week 5

We begin this week with a search for a sandwich.

Last year, at a Georgia Tech football game, a female Yellow Jackets fan was subjected to a full strip search, by the stadium security.

It’s seems their mission, was the pursuit, and arrest, of a Chick-fil-A sandwich, that they somehow suspected, she was smuggling into Bobby Dodd Stadium.

Nothing was found, by this bunch of “cluckers”, and needless to say, a civil suit has been filed.  We think the case should be entitled: The People vs. Bluckkers!

This weekend, let’s see which teams dine on the opposition, and which look, as if they are; chicken.

No. 8 Nebraska at No. 7 Wisconsin (Ch.5, 8 p.m.) The Big Red Lincoln is driving into the Mad-Town (Madison) cauldron, for its Big Ten football baptism. 

The last time these red-cladded squads met (1974), Gerry Ford was occupying the oval office.  It could also be called an Eveready game, as both teams employ an old school power style of football.

The Husker’s King of the Corn, is its starry running (7TDs, over 6 yds. a carry), sophomore QB, Taylor Martinez, whose legs are much more dangerous, than his oft-erratic, throwing ability.

The rest of the Huskers ground assault is assisted by another speedster Rex Burkhead (7 TDs, over 6 yds. a carry), and if he can accurately can deliver him the ball, wideout Brandon Kinnie is a dangerous target.

The Blackshirt D has more of a charcoal tint, as it sits a pedestrian 52nd overall, while allowing 22 points a game.  These pretenders are anchored by All-America backer Lavonte David, his companion Cameron Meredith, and backstopped by All-America corner, Alfonzo Dennard.  [Good news for the Lincoln faithful – All-America tackle Jared Crick will play.]

Christmas came early in Madison, in the form of former UNC QB Russell Wilson.

The new cheese-head fav, is the nation’s second most efficient passer (11 touchdown passes – 1 interception), and has completed a jaw-dropping 75 percent of his passes.

In addition to its starry commander, Wiscy, the country’s sixth highest scoring eleven (48 pts. a game), motors with its signature ground attack, on the legs of tailbacks, Montee Ball and James White, who have combined for 12 TDs, and are nicely protected by its Himalayan offensive line.

When Wilson takes to the air, he has a pair of quality targets, Nick Toon (son of former NFLer Al), and former walk-on, Jared Abbrederis.

The Badgers D, the nation’s third stingiest group (less than 9 points a game), is equally disruptive against the run and the pass.  It ranks seventh overall, and is backboned by backers Chris Borland, Mike Taylor and tackle David Gilbert.

We equate Bo Pelini’s Huskers to Mike Tyson.

Nebraska tries to bully teams, and if that doesn’t initially work, and it won’t against a physically imposing bunch of Badgers, they quickly run out of solutions, and we don’t think they’ll have enough answers in Madison on Saturday Night.

No. 3 Alabama at No. 12 Florida (Ch. 7, 8 p.m.) The Tide continues to roll in.

It is easier to defeat a Soviet President, than score a touchdown on these Tuscaloosan tacklers, and no tailback has reached 100 yards, in a DiMaggio-like, 51 games.

The country’s second stingiest D, (8 points a game), and steeled by backers; Don’t’a Hightower, Courtney Upshaw, and All-America safety Mark Barron, stones runners and swats passers , with the disdain of a millionaire, toward Barak Obama.

The offense (38 points a game) is nicely managed by QB A.J. McCarron (4 touchdown passes – 2 interceptions) who is completing 60 percent of his throws.

The signal caller leans heavily on his All-America tailback, Trent Richardson (110 yds. a game – 8 touchdowns), backfield mate Eddie Lacy, and a chain moving wideout; Marquis Maze.

A new day has dawned in Gainesville, as Charlie Weis, and his magical play sheet, has rejuvenated the Gators offense.

The nation’s fifteenth highest scoring eleven (40), is directed by QB John Brantley, with assists from a trio of speed-dust twins, Jeffrey Demps, Chris Rainey, and Trey Burton, who also play a big role in its passing game.

The nation’s fourth stingiest D, (9 points a game), featuring backers; Jon Bostic, Michael Taylor and tackle Jaye Howard, is as quick as a squirrel, scooting across the road.

Despite the fact that the game is in the Swamp, we think it will be the Sons of Joe Namath, who set the trap with Gator bait.  Sorry, Charlie.

No. 13 Clemson at No. 11 Virginia Tech (ESPN2, 6 p.m.) Clemson takes it show into a Bermuda Triangle, also known as; Lane Stadium, where the Hokies are 100-17 in the last eighteen years.

This test will show the Clemson’s title parched faithful, whether Dabo Swinney’s Tigers have some bite, or, as usual, are simply a bunch of orange clad pretenders.

The country’s top twenty-five (37 pts.) scoring eleven, is directed by its gunslinging sophomore, QB Tajh Boyd (13 touchdown passes – 2 interceptions, 66 percent completions), with assists from a trio of quality targets: tight end Dwayne Allen, and wideouts DeAndre Hopkins, and freshman sensation Sammy Watkins, who has six touchdown receptions.

When Clemson takes to the ground, tailback Andre Ellington is a very capable motorman.

The D, featuring end Andre Branch, and tackle Rennie Moore, ranks 90th overall, (surrendering 25 points a game), and has at times, displayed more holes than the ceiling in a Big Dig Tunnel. 

The Boys from Blacksburg are on track for its eight consecutive, double digit win season.

After opening the year with a less than murderer’s row schedule of opponents, coach Frank Beamer, who is coaching his 300th game with Tech, is getting his first real measure of his team.

Prudential-sized, (6-6, 245), dual threat QB, Logan Thomas (4 touchdown passes- 4 interceptions) directs the attack, with help from tailbacks; David Wilson, Josh Oglesby, and a trio of quality receivers; Jarrett Boykin, D.J. Coles and Danny Coale.

The nation’s sixth stingiest D, (10 points a game), swallows runners behind end J.R. Collins, backer Tarig Edwards, and All-America corner Jayron Hosley.

This is a very difficult game to get a handle on, but we’ll go with the Triangle, and better coach; Hokies.

No. 14 Texas A&M vs. No. 18 Arkansas at Jerry’s World – Dallas (ESPN, Noon) In 2012, this will be a regularly scheduled SEC matchup, as the Aggies say goodbye to the Big Twelve, but more importantly for them, goodbye to the large shadow of  University of Texas.

A&M’s attacks with a top-twenty aerial show, directed by its starry QB Ryan Tannehill (6 touchdown passes – 4 interceptions), and assisted by a dynamic wideout tandem; Ryan Swope and Jeff Feller.

The College Station ground assault is also of quality stock, and featuring All-America; Cyrus Gray, and backfield mate, Christine Michael.

The D, behind backer Sean Porter, and end Tony Jerod-Eddie, stones runners, but sits 11th from the bottom defending the pass.

The Hogs are also slopping around for its first quality win.

Bobby Petrino’s Razorbacks also snort with an aerial raid that is commanded by QB Tyler Wilson (7 touchdown passes – 3 interceptions), with assists from the best receiving threesome in the land; Joe Adams, Jarvis Wright, and Cobi Hamilton.

Unfortunately, the Arkansas ground game, featuring Ronnie Wingo, sits is a sausage-like 79th in the nation.

The D, led by backers Alonzo Hightower and Jerry Franklin, has some fissures defending the pass, but overall, is much improved from last season.

In another very close rebound game for both teams, we’ll go with the Jerry’s alma-mater: Arkansas.

No. 15 Baylor at Kansas State (Ch.5, 3:30 p.m.) The disparity between the approaches of these elevens is like comparing; Twiggy with Rosie.

The Baylor Bears, the third highest scoring team in the land (51 pts. a game), ignite on the arm of its Heisman Trophy contending QB; Robert Griffin III, or RG3, (13 touchdown passes – 0 interceptions), who has incomprehensibly, thrown one more touchdown pass, than incompletion.

The rest of his supporting cast includes tailback Terrance Ganaway, and wideout Kendall Wright.

The D, featuring backer Elliot Coffey, guard Nicholas Jean-Baptiste and corner Mike Hicks, allows 26 points a game, and causes a lot of sleepless night, not only for coach Art Briles but for the entire nation of Waco faithful.

KState coach Bill Synder, the architect of the greatest turnaround in the history of college football, is enjoying his redux at Manhattan, Kansas.

The Wildcats identity is the nation’s seventh stingiest D (10 pts. a game), led by backer Arthur Brown, and end Meshale Williams, who are equally disruptive against both the run and the pass.

The offense (6th from the bottom in passing) is about as one dimensional as a founding member of the Tea Party.

KSU’s dual-threat QB Coltin Klien, who does more damage with his legs, is assisted by tailback John Hubert and wideout Chris Harper. 

Message to Baylor; make sure you have the lead at the half, because the Wildcats under Synder are a jaw dropping; 145-5, when leading at break.

We have a hunch that old man Synder, in the Bill Synder-Family Stadium, finds a way to win.


Last week: 3-2                                                        Season record: 13-7

Be sure to read our recap which will be up and running Sunday by noon.


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